Ruin Fathers’ Day with these weird days out

Have a shit Fathers’ Day with twelve of the worst things you could possibly do this Sunday

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Many view Father’s day as a vacuous ploy by money hungry corporations to siphon off more of our (parents’) money, but it’s also a day to celebrate the wisest man we know, our Father. He helped raise us, imparted sage advice to us in our times of need and bore the crushing financial depression brought on by our departure to university.

There’s no escaping it, you have to spend the day your old man, so here’s some ridiculously unappealing options.

World Naked Bike Ride

London, June 14

Yes please

What better way to bring the family closer together than stripping away (literally) all the trappings of society and getting back to the fundamental basics? With a dress code like ‘as bare as you dare’, nothing could be more appropriate than holding up traffic and baring it all with your best mate. Lovely.

The Alternative London Tour

Brushfield Street, Spitalfields, London.

He’ll fit right in

For all the hip and cool (their words) dads out there, this is sure to be the opposite of embarrassing. What better introduction to ‘what kids get up to these days’ than a guided tour of East London’s ‘alternative side’.

Make a fancy coaster

A family friendly version of Ghost

LOL

The coaster might just be the single most mundane household item to ever exist, but a morning at East Riddlesden Hall, West Yorkshire, might just change your mind. They’ve got a craft room where you can make the snazziest of hot drink mats. Later you could go for a nice stroll along the Riverside Walk and talk about the next time he’ll wire you money so you can take him to do something remotely more interesting.

Build a den

Bear Grills is the idol of every TV-owning middle-man aged over 40.  Give him a few branches and logs to make some extravagant shelters and watch him go. The activity encourages team building and talking about feelings, which we all know Dads are terrible at.

Plantasia (if you’ll pardon the pun)

Kew Gardens, Richmond

The horror

The name alone should be reason enough. Encouraged to embrace nature from the ankles down, expect the old man to be joining in drum circles and recounting tales of the ‘magic’ of Woodstock in no time. More info here

Take care of some chickens

Surrey Docks Farm, Surrey

Clucking brilliant

Not all Dads are retired flat-cap wearing retired men who potter about the acres at sunrise, but they probably wish they were. Spend the day learning how to look after chickens as pets or breeding – maybe you could start a new hobby together. The course is £25.

The Big Noise Festival

The Busey Building, London, June 14 -15

Bangin’

What unites dads around the world? Certainly not their love of loud or particularly ‘big’ noises. Whilst it’s for a good cause, watching your dad stumble around awkwardly in the dark, asking fellow party-goers where they are from and what they’re studying, is not an outcome worth bearing.

Enjoy a ride on a miniature train

Choo choo

Does he still wish he had a wooden toy set? Well take a picnic and head down to your local miniature train show for a real Partridge-esque day out. It’s less expensive than a stuffy Virgin pendalino but just as fun, if you hate fun.

Go shopping

Oxford Street, London?

What do you think, Dad?

Stories of a Shopkeeper: 150 Years of John Lewis is guaranteed to bring back painful memories of traipsing around the brightly lit and sterile floors of one of Britain’s most popular department stores on the world’s busiest street. Nothing says ‘World’s best Dad’ like a trip to the place most synonymous with soul-crushing boredom. ‘Never knowingly undersold’ you can always fall back on a pair of socks and a new tie to add to the collection if all else fails.

Rooftop Yoga in Peckham

Peckham, London

Sistaaas

An activity strictly reserved for yummy mummies and hipsters might not be an obvious choice, but it will make sure your Father’s face falls faster than a fresher at pre-drinks. It will be like a gift to yourself as you watch him bend himself into embarrassing shapes in the most awkward of social situations. You will also return with a suitable anecdote about how ‘up and coming’ Peckham still is.

Graffiti Kings: Graffiti and Street Art Workshops

London

Look at him go

Your Dad will not understand the concept of graffiti as an art form. But if he doesn’t instantly get out and leave screaming ‘vandals’, you mum might even thank you for the new S/S creative direction he has planned for of the garden shed.

Littledean Jail Museum

Gloucestershire

Terrifying

Nothing screams light-hearted fun like a crime museum. You may be surprised, but there is actually some crime in Gloucestershire, and in this alternative spot you get to hear hours worth of hallowing/depressing stories of the biggest crimes committed in the quaint county. Your Dad is probably lovely but avoid taking family members with psychopathic tendencies.