How not to be a dick about your dissertation

Here’s how to hand your dissertation in with dignity.


Don’t post regular updates of your word count.

Yes, very impressive, but also, no one cares.

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WE DON'T CARE

WE DON’T CARE

Don’t post more than one status update asking people to fill in your survey.

Although, prime time to do it is probably in the weeks leading up to the deadline when everyone’s so bored of their own work, that doing someone else’s seems appealing.

diss fb

wow

WOW, THREE LIKES!! People must be really keen to help me out

Don’t lie.

You know who we’re talking about – every course has at least one of them. The one who says they haven’t done any revision whatsoever and is DEFINITELY gonna fail, then gets a first and continues to act coyly surprised. For some reason, this seems to happen with dissertation more than any other assignment.

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If you actually have nothing to worry about, stop losing your mind on Facebook.

“So stressed about my dissertation, its due in 2 weeks and I’ve got 11,000 words which I need to cut down!!!!!!!!!!!!” is an example. Again, no one cares, and all this is going to get you is possible death threats from those who haven’t started yet.

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"I'm so sleep deprived I think people care!"

IMG_0673-680×9061 “I’m so sleep deprived I think people care!”

Don’t post any of the following:

A photo of you working, the finished product once its bound or a photo of yourself handing it in.

We’ve all seen a piece of paper before and an Instagram filter does not make it more attractive. Self-deprecating hashtags about how you never thought you’d be one to upload photos of it does not make it any better.

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Don’t dedicate it to anyone unless you want those reading it to vomit violently all over their own faces. 

The pathetic acknowledgement to your flatmates will not make up for the stamping of feet, groans of despair and slamming of doors that they’ve been forced to live with in the weeks leading up to the deadline. Chances are your chosen topic is also of little interest to the person you’ve dedicated to.

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This article was originally posted on The Tab Brookes.