8 things to give up for Lent if you’re at Brookes

A few things you should really go without for 40 days.

Today marks the beginning of Lent. It’s the chance to attempt giving up bad habits or unhealthy food only to fail miserably days later.

Let’s be realistic, some things are just too difficult to go without. A life without chocolate is just no fun at all. So The Tab decided to create a list of things you could give up for Lent that might actually make your life better.

1. 9am Lectures. You are forced to skip wild nights out and wake up ridiculously early especially if you have travel  to another campus. When you get there you’re far too tired to focus anyway and spend the whole time wishing you hadn’t bothered. Does anyone ever learn anything in a 9am lecture? It’s all on Moodle anyway.


2. Going to Wheatley. Speaks for itself really, doesn’t it? The grey tower, the asbestos. Its saving grace  is that you can buy sausage and chips for £2.50 but is it really worth the half an hour bus ride? Of course not!


3. One night stands. However much your friends might try and reassure you it will never be a ‘stride of pride.’ You will always bump into your ex/lecturer/course friend on your walk of shame. Even if you avoid braving Cowley in clothes from the night before you have to deal with them outstaying their welcome at yours. They’ll eat the cereal you politely offered them in the hope they’d refuse, whilst you resist the urge to tell them to fuck off and that you’re definitely going to do one of the chlamydia tests at the walk-in centre as soon as they leave.

4. Buying Tesco Everyday Value noodles. Yes, they’re cheap, and yes, we’re “poor students” but surely we don’t need to eat 20p noodles for dinner? You read that correctly, they cost 20p. This is because they are flavourless filth. Instead try Super Noodles at a bank-breaking 81p. If you live in Cheney, get Pot Noodles – they’re the most expensive.

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5. Doing our laundry. If you’re in halls the machines are so temperamental it’s a joke. They either take your money and then don’t work, or they just don’t take your money at all. Even in a house your washing machine will add pounds to your electricity bill. Solution? Take everything home to Mummy.

6. Spending a quid in nightclubs to get a spray of aftershave/perfume. You do know that “no spray, no lay” isn’t actually true, right? Don’t bother buying the chewing gum either, no one cares what your breath smells like when we’re all off our faces. If you feel like you need perfume and chewing gum to pull, then ignore point two and go to Wheatley, you deserve to be there.

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7. Talking about the new building. The amount of Snapchats sent about the new building is ridiculous and unnecessary. I already know what it looks like because of the fact that I walk past it nearly every day and to be honest I don’t actually care, it’s just another building I can attempt to scrape 40% in.

8. Drunken texts/phone calls to your ex. We’ve all been there: you get drunk and it suddenly becomes a great idea. Reading back over the texts you sent the morning after is never fun.

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This is why I’m single


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