Simply Pleasure

Simply Pleasure made us feel very comfortable, chatting to us for over 15 minutes about their merchandise. They were more than happy to recommend products and talk us through exactly how they work.

Bestsellers: Sales are 90% USB rechargeable vibrators.

Rents will never suspsect a thing…

What do students buy?

Simply Pleasure are not the biggest fans of students, saying they’re the worst customers. They just “point at shit and laugh at it, they don’t buy fuck all then they fuck off”. We were told you lot just buy stupid things “like a willy measuring stick”. Unsurprisingly, staff feel that the presence of giggling students makes other customers feel uncomfortable.

Full 50 Shades merchandise available in both stores.

What they recommended: A 70’s style karma sutra book with pencil drawn diagrams.

Suggestions for Valentine’s Day: Remote control vibrator. The woman wears a “gadget” in her knickers which the man can control from afar. Not suitable for the library we might just add.

Weirdest item: Has surely got to be this equally terrifying and terrified looking rubber doll.

Frighteningly realistic.

“Its like if you go to Tesco, you wanna buy a good chicken. You wanna get the most meat for your money. It’s the same here.”

Informative reading.

Private Shop

Disappointingly, the staff in Private Shop were not nearly as willing to chat to us and volunteered little information but nevertheless provided a brilliant range of equally inspirational items.

Not creepy at all.

Do many students come in? Students don’t buy anything specific, but more come in than you’d expect.

Suggestions for Valentine’s Day: A vibrating cock ring and, again, the remote control vibrator mentioned in Simply Pleasure. These seem to be all the rage!

Weirdest item: Surely the “Candy Toy Set” designed to look like children’s playthings. 

Barbie is that you?

And the winner is…Simply Pleasure! Unsurprisingly, they come out on top for their friendly staff and more extensive collection of weird and wonderful items.

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