An Ironic Christmas Shopping List (On A Student Budget)

It’s okay, we’ve all been there. It’s the beginning of December, and for all those students who have dismissed shopping lists up until now and are currently panicking because they have exams to revise for and no time (or money) to think about shopping, do not fear. We at The Tab have put together a (very ironic) Christmas list for you to pick and choose presents for your loved ones from. You can thank us later.

For your parents

Socks. You can never, ever go wrong with socks.

The elusive toe sock; an attractive addition to anyone’s wardrobe. Dad will love these.

A novelty mug. This one and this one would make for a great set.

Your mother will certainly find this amusing.

For your classmates

A 2-for-1 pack of pens from Ryman’s for your friends writing their dissertations.

Assorted colours because you’re a generous cunt.

This book titled “Microwave Cooking For One”, because you know they still can’t cook for shit. Buy it here.

Marie Smith is a total babe.

For your significant other

Bacon lube; the best of both worlds. Available here.

An easy way to let your partner know you’re a pig in bed.

Buy a roll of ribbon and wrap yourself up, and then proceed to awkwardly keep quiet whilst having sex in your old room back home because your parents are downstairs watching the Doctor Who Christmas special.

Your bow will look nothing like this one.

For yourself

Take out a student loan and get yourself a £20,000 Game of Thrones replica throne. You will have the sickest living room in Oxford, hands down.

Cosy up on your throne this Christmas.

Take out a bigger loan and get yourself the Electric Delorean DMCEV (minus the flux capacitator). At £70,000, you even get free shipping! Fucking bonus.

You won’t even need to pay for a parking permit if you own this.

Okay sod it. Use all your savings, borrow money off your friends, family and the bank and get a flying hovercraft. You will not regret it. Ever. Trust us on this one.

Fuck. YES.

And for that person who has everything (we hate these people)

The gift of nothing. What a perfect way to say “Merry Christmas and fuck you”.

Why the fuck would anyone go through the trouble of assembling this?

So there you have it, your useful guide to gifts this year. Don’t actually buy any of these for people you like, or else you will end up broke and alone. What are you planning on giving people this year?

For more useful ideas, like The Brookes Tab on Facebook. It can be your gift to us.