Brookes Might Be Full Of Southerners But So Is Everywhere Else

A study by the Higher Education Funding Council for England (Hefce) has found that Young People from London are 43% more likely to go to University than those from the North East.

Long have we thought that our University is dominated by girls called Henrietta from Middlesex and DJs named Charles from a farm that lacks any farming. As a Northerner it will be strange and exciting to meet these odd people from mystical and far off realms such as Hertfordshire and Surrey.

Wary: A northerner on the tube

So you may be a lonely Lancastrian or you may be surrounded by your southern Sussex sidekicks, Oxford Brookes can be a very different place depending on where you’re from.

Londoner Lou Paley told The Tab: “Oxford has a lot to offer, something which more and more Londoners are beginning to realise, and Brookes is brilliant because it isn’t infested by loud and uncivilized northerners.”

Not “infested” with northerners

But is the difference in numbers at University because sensible Northerners aren’t studying the same things?

George Pindar, originally from Manchester, said: “I see all these Southern Softies at Brookes, leaving their Communications lectures and heading for afternoon tea.

“More Southerners go to Brookes because we offer daft courses that my mates from home aren’t bothered with.”

Does this create a divide or does anyone actually care? We all have our thoughts on those from the other side of the country and these will not change. More Southerners may go to university but we’ve known this all along. Really all we’ve been told is the numbers.

You might be crying out for statistics for the Midlands, but the Midlands don’t exist at University. You’re either from the North or South, make up your smog-filled minds.