What does your uni room look like? A poster for a student from every demographic

A person’s bedroom is an extension of their personality, the physical home of the mind; their emotional state laid out for all to see.

It is one of our most personal and private places, a place where we allow  ourselves to be vulnerable, where we sleep, where we change clothes, as well as where all the magic happens (crying and fighting the urge to drop out).

The way we decorate our rooms, therefore, is how we express ourselves. It shows what kind of person we are, or perhaps, who we’d like to be.

So, what does your choice in decor say about you?

Adds veg and sesame seeds to their 49p instant ramen

The person who owns this will ask you what you think of the Feng shui in their bedroom, as they light an incense stick, then proceed to whack on the most bizarre Studio Ghibli film they know whilst intellectually dick-swinging about veganism for the entire duration of the movie. Then they’ll rail a line of *organic* coke. Chakras feeling so aligned rn

Fucking crumbs all over the bedsheets

Your room is an abhorrent cesspit but its okay because “hot girls live like this”. Stop it! Hush! You are a goblin! Musty crusty dusty desgustin.

Don’t even think about bringing a conquest home before washing the fake tan off your sheets. Clothes all over the gaff, last weeks takeaway piling up. You should be ashamed.

Yes then drugs in the toilet hahaha sex, drugs, rock and roll!

Got a feeling this has potential to be the new pulp fiction poster. Belongs to the rough around the edges, punky grungey type of guy who makes grubby graffitied toilets and anarchy their aesthetic (the only anarchy they get up to is playing devils advocate in their philosophy lectures).

These kind of guys once posed a threat, but now there’s so many of them that there is enough literature surrounding this breed of student, that you’re prepared for when they say ‘Babe you know I can’t commit to anything, my ex from five years ago really fucked me up’.

From extensive research and the experiences of many poor souls who have been gaslit in bedrooms like this, we know that the décor in this room says far more about who they want to be, than who they are.

Likely to own a reed diffuser

The Feng shui in this room is actually poppin’ to be fair. Bedsheets are always crisp and clean, cuddly toys from home, led lights set to a mellow blue, and revision plan up on the wall.

But there’s absolutely nothing relaxed about the owner of this room, they are constantly stressed and don’t be fooled by the acute organisation and cleanliness because that is simply a manifestation of their crippling stress.

and don’t even THINK about asking if its ‘chill’ to smoke in this bedroom, it is absolutely NOT chill, any naked flame and the whole place will go up in flames (probably literally would because of all the stress-relief room mist in the air).

Calls a minor inconvenience their ‘Joker origin story’

All over the reddit scene. Maybe even discord as well. Every time someone walks into this room (rare occurrence),  the owner has to fight the urge not to let you know that Heath ledger is inarguably the best joker of all time, and that he went insane from method acting.

Avoid visiting this bedroom at all costs because the reason this guy loves the Joker so much is because he identifies with him. Along with other questionable antiheroes like Rick, Patrick Bateman, Jordan Belfort and Tyler Durden.

Probably attends life drawing classes

POV: you walk into their room and they’re smoking a doob out the window, reading ‘why men like bitches’, making their own clay ashtray and playing the bass all at the same time.

Femcel exterior, but the sensitive artist in them will get you a herbal tea, tuck you up in the Urban Outfitters bedsheets and maybe propagate one of their succulents for you to take home and nurture.

Peter Parker IRL

Whoever has the gall to plaster this in their room, whether ironically or not, is a true hero.

However, if you walk in and also see navy bedsheets, a poster of the new York skyline, and a broken desk from where raging on the Playstation got the better of them, then its not looking good brev. They are not mentally past the age of 14.

Has an arts complex about being in the Arts Complex

D’accord! Someone’s been on a year abroad in Paris and somehow finds a way to include that information in every conversation they have.

The locals in France hated them, but they weren’t fluent enough to pick up on this. They’ve taken a little piece of France home with them, so they’re a chain smoker now, and sometimes accidentally slip into a French accent. Très chic girl, Senate coffee is just, like, not the same as it was in the Parisienne walkways!

Owns a record player, probably

So a mid-level music snob will have posters of your standard ‘cool’ names in music, like Gorillaz, some Oldhead rapper or whatever, and will be genuinely shocked that you enjoy that kind of music too. Because no one else listens to them and God forbid anyone’s music taste is as superior as theirs, girls only listen to Taylor Swift, right?

But a REAL wanker will strictly have rave/events posters up in their bedroom. I’m sure the hard worker who spent all day pasting the posters up on the wall at minimum wage wont mind that you’re ripping it right off again to show everyone what a bag of fun you are.

But you know afters in these rooms will always bang. Always niche music, always weird nitty vibes; you’ll leave this bedroom at 8am feeling like you’ve just done DMT with Jared Leto.

Rare occurrence these days

This is normally a circa 2017 indie boy sort of poster, but they’re a dying breed now, so I’m gonna go off of my own experience of the type of person that has this poster.

The last bedroom I saw with this classic lemony album cover, had absolutely nothing else in the room. Empty, soulless, liminal space kind of vibes. No evidence of fun whatsoever. Scarier than the backrooms. This is how the tortured souls in university accommodation brochures live.

Thought Tarantino deserved best picture at the 2019 Oscars

Yeah fuck off now, you can go right along with the 2017 indie kids. It’s almost post-ironic at this point. Don’t you know Mia Wallace isn’t who the cool girls are aspiring to be any more, its like Phoebe Bridgers, or something.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• 1Nightlife for Dummies (Freshers): Your guide to Bristol’s clubs

•I went to a rave on the day of the Queen’s funeral and asked Bristol students why they were there

• We spoke to eight Bristol University societies to find out why you should join them