Stoke Bishop Halls ranked by the quality of their fridge content

Halls are forever getting stereotyped and frankly, it is inaccurate.

We need a new method of categorising student accommodation. A fair method.  A definitive method.

Luckily for you, we’ve found that method; we’ve ranked Stoke Bishop halls based on the food (and other items) we found in their fridges.

Here are the results, from best to worst.

1. Churchill

Having bravely waded through the sea of mullets, I wondered how Churchill had got away with being posher than Wills but without the stigma. It seems that the Churchill resident is particularly savvy in diverting attention away from their double-barrelled surname and polo ponies.

Just like their pseudo-wavey garms, their seemingly modest fridges are a mere facade. In fact, nearly every Churchill resident has a mini fridge, which safely homes their precious avocados and smoked salmon.

2. Durdham

Contrary to their status as the most boring halls on campus,  Durdham’s fridge contents was a sight to behold. And no, I’m not just saying that because they bribed me with their chocolate rolo yoghurts and doughballs…

3. Hiatt Baker

Ah, to be in in Hiatt Baker self-catered. If I say I’m from North London they won’t realise that I’m not supposed to be there-right?

M&S cranberry juice, pots of pesto and chocolate milk. What’s not to love?

Sadly, the same cannot be said of Hiatt Baker Catered. You’d think their fridges would be great given how depressing their meals are.

4. Wills

The fridges are small and packed, as with any catered hall, but Wills takes this to the extreme. Luxury food items adorn the fridge, with each row in an unacknowledged competition of poshness. Sadly, Wills residents love to gloat about their fridge contents and food is stolen constantly. Still fuming about my pomegranate seeds tbh…

5. UH

Pretty standard fridge contents, but I’m slightly confused as to why there is a spatula in the fridge…

6. Badock

There appears to be plenty of jam and butter and well not much else. Taking a wild guess and assuming they eat a lot of toast.

This was written prior to lockdown.