University of Bristol

The complete list of all the ways you’ll be passive aggressive towards your housemates

Because who needs confrontation?

University is a time of self-discovery, exploration, and living with five random strangers in second year.

Having no say over the people you’re forced to spend with a year of your life with can lead to arguments over washing, laundry and most importantly – milk.

Here’s a list of every way you’ll be passive aggressive to your housemates so that you can avoid all forms of verbal communication.

Put it in rhyme to make it extra passive

Leaving passive aggressive notes with a smiley face on.
The smiley face says it all – ‘can you take out the rubbish 🙂 ’. You’re not happy you’ve asked your housemate to take out the rubbish, you’d be happier if they did it the third time you asked them, not the tenth.

Switching to skimmed milk to make sure your milk doesn’t get stolen.
Unfortunately, the only way to protect your milk is to have it taste like water. The days of seeing green-bottled, semi-skimmed goodness are over — you might even resort to soya milk after being targeted by vegans.

Putting a padlock on your milk is also an option

Setting hundreds of alarms for a 9 am and hitting snooze.
Now you’ve been woken up in time for their 9 am too…except you were supposed to start at 2.

Taking over the Bluetooth speaker on the sly.
All you wanted was a relaxed night listening to ABBA to forget the existential crisis that is your dissertation. However, housemates want to listen to hard-core grime. Cometh the hour, cometh the man – you stand your ground and have a war over your Bluetooth.

Absolute life saver

Having a stalemate over who will buy toilet roll.

Toilet roll is expensive – not the sandpaper that is Asda’s own brand, it’s important to treat yourself to luxuries in life. But you’ve bought it for the last month, and now you’re forced to use the toilets at the library and gym until your housemate finally gives in.

Unclogging hair from the drain and leaving it there.
You wanted somewhere with an en suite, but fate intervened and made sure your bathroom experience was ‘character building’. However, the only thing that is building up is your roomates’ hair and your burning rage.

"Mate honestly I did them last time and anyway it's not THAT bad right?"

Leaving your housemate's dirty dishes in their room.

We all have that one housemate that leaves their dishes for so long that mould – yes, mould – starts to grow on the dishes. So, why not be bold put that mould in their room so they can finally clean it?

Writing your name on all your food.

Stand your ground, mark your territory – this milk is mine.

Just to avoid any confusion, THIS IS MINE

Closing your bedroom door a bit too loudly in the morning so your friend in the shower knows you’re waiting.