A step by step guide on how to mend a broken heart within 24 hours
Remember you are the baddest bitch out there
Break ups can suck, there's no two ways about it. But, good news, they don’t HAVE to!
No longer do you have to wallow in a well of self pity. Below is my one stop guide on how to get up, get going and get gooooood all in 24 hours…
So this is it. It’s over. Whether it's been five years of marriage and mortgages or five days of ‘U up?’ texts at 3am, it’s now just a memory. And there’s nothing you can do to change that. If it was you who ended it, congrats, that took balls. Nothing like calling the shots!
If it wasn’t, then WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BEG FOR THEM BACK!!!!! Honestly don’t. You’ll be shooting yourself in the foot and will majorly regret it. Just accept it, embrace it and know that you’re better without them and you’ll soon realise you don’t ACTUALLY want them either.
Feel the power
BOOM! YOU’RE SINGLE AND BOY DO YOU LOVE IT. Yes, you DO love it. Make a fiyyyaaaa playlist, play it on the loudest speaker you can (pissing off your housemates endlessly), stand in front of your mirror screaming some empowering lyrics at yourself that are ‘omg so relatable’. Taylor Swift, I can’t say I’m usually your biggest fan but I bloody love you now.
Oh shit, all the feels
Alright enough of the angry Dua Lipa fuelled adrenaline rush now, time to be sad… Even if you hate them or really have no ‘feelings’ left, it’s still gunna be upsetting for a while and that’s ok. Someone who’s been part of your life is no longer part of it. Ouch. You had good times, you’ve experienced things together and it’s still fresh in your mind. So, sit on
your bed or by a window when it’s raining, pretend you’re in one of Sam Smiths music videos and sob extremely over dramatically. Find Spotify's heartbreak playlist or make one of your own.
Feel the Power (AGAIN)
Ok stop crying now, that’s enough. Get out of your room and sit with your flatmates and let them tell you all the shit things about your ex. Cliché asf but works a treat. For example, remember that time Nigel told you that you shouldn’t eat chicken nuggets because they’re calorific and you’re looking a little chunky? What a twat.
Have a laff
Humour is the BEST. Make a joke about it. Make 500 jokes about it. Take the piss. Be degrading. Be harsh. Just do it. Did he have an annoying catchphrase you’ve always hated, e.g. a middle class boy calling everything even moderately above average a "peng ting"?
Did he have something ugly about his face? A wonky eyebrow perhaps? Doesn’t matter, find something and laugh about it until it’s not funny anymore. Do something impulsive idk register to climb Mount Kilimanjaro tomorrow or something. Dye your hair. Find a solution to world hunger. Just go wild. The best decisions you’ll ever make in life are the ones that would normally scare you (deep, should be studying Philosophy ikr).
Look on point, all the time
Ok this one isn’t technically within 24 hours, but it should definitely start then. Gone are the days of wearing your PJs to go food shopping, not washing your hair for a week or forgetting to moisturise. Wear your nice clothes, curl your hair and if you’re feeling extra saucy, wear some lipgloss. Confidence is key.
Carry on with your normal life
Keep a routine! Do not sit in bed all day and do nothing. Keep as busy. Clean the room. Go for a run. If you don’t have any form of routine normally then hey, here’s some inspiration to make one.
Give your number to someone hot in the library
Not essential but just an idea. At the end of the day, you’ve got nothing to lose- you’re single af. At best he will hit u up, at worst he will look at you like you’re some weird stalker freak but who the hell cares? NOT YOU!
You will be fine! Be determined to do the best you can in your life and show the world what they’re missing. And just remember, you WILL find the Kanye to your Kim someday. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe in 20 years. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that.