Everything you learn working in Ayia Napa over the summer
Sex on a pedalo is a no no
Ayia Napa: the eighth wonder of the world and an 18-year-old’s post A-level dream. Every summer a plethora of Brits descend on Napa to work on the strip as promoters, gas girls, ticket sellers and bar staff.
Their goal? A wild summer of losing their dignity and disappointing their parents.
Here's the complete list everything you will know if you've ever worked as a Napa slapper.
Being a promoter is harder work than it looks
"Promoting!" I hear you cry, "it's just like being on a night out" . Well only if your night out begins with you being told to "stick your drink deals up your arse", alongside the occasional yell of "get your tits out". It ends with you being shouted at in Cypriot by your very angry boss for a reason which eludes you.
Landlords are sneaky
Working in Napa prepares you well for student housing. You'll be lucky if you have an apartment which has a working fridge and cooker.
Nothing will ever be fixed, and it's not uncommon for landlords put extra bunk beds in apartments so double the number of residents will fit in. Rooms will quickly became ten times dirtier than a uni halls kitchen after a pre-drinks session gone wrong.
Misogyny is apparently okay if it’s over 30 degrees
Boys step off the plane at Larnaca airport and as that first waft of hot air hits them so does the urge to sexually objectify every girl they see. At home, a group of boys would never rate every part of your body from 1-10. In Napa, they'll have a full scale debate on the merits of your tit size while you're blatantly in earshot.
The only hangover cure is to never stop drinking
Drunk people like talking to other drunk people. Thus, in order to be a successful promoter, it's necessary to be at that sweet spot where you lose your inhibitions but keep your sense of balance.
In Napa, a solid day drinking session would spill over into a nasty hangover, four hours into a night shift. The only way to fight this was simply to be drunk 24/7 and pray the hangover never caught up with you. This will lead to quite a terrible plane journey home.
The best public places to have sex if you want to be spotted
You'll witness sex on balconies, car bonnets, in public toilets, pools and showers. Name it, people were having sex there – slut shaming simply does not exist.
How to spot a fuckboy from a mile off
Realistically, if he's doing a season in Napa that's the only confirmation necessary.