How to get ‘posh girl hair’

Get the look everyone is after


This week, the Daily Mail exposed the truth behind how to have that rich, posh girl hairdo you’ve always wanted. As with everything they publish, their advice was ridiculous but don’t panic – for I am here to give you all the real answers about this year’s must-have look. I know you’ve probably been looking in the mirror, feeling disconsolate about the state of your god awful lid. But things are about to change.

Ever seen one of those posh girls with gorgeous long hair that falls effortlessly into waves as it hugs her shoulders? Yeah, we’ve all noticed it, and I’m about to give you the full 411 on how to achieve that look. It’s normally top secret stuff, but I’m breaking the rules. Naughty or what?!

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Wash your hair in egg white 

This is crucial for that super sexy volume to lift the roots. After this wash, it is guaranteed to give you that have-I-just-had-sex-or-have-I-been-riding-my-pony? look that everyone lusts after.

Never brush your hair 

Brushing is just not an option. Think about it, posh girls can’t do anything themselves. Lifting a brush to the head is pushing it. Too much hard work. Toss that hairbrush in the bin.

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Oils, Oils, Oils

Every rich bitch owns those oily serums, and you’ve got to apply them at least 4 or 5 times a day! Coconut oil, Argon oil, Moroccan oil, olive oil, any fucking oil, just put it in your hair. Now. Oil it.

Champagne 

Okay so, posh girls LOVE the environment. They became apprised of the horrors of climate change while they were on their gap-yahs, and now they are very passionate about the conservation of water. Therefore – and you might have read this in Tatler – in order to save water, they take only champagne showers. It all makes sense – that’s how their hair always looks so sparkly. I’ve heard Dom P gives a better shine.

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The Indian Ocean 

Sea salt is key to looking fit. You’ve got to get them waves, and babe, curling irons are not a thing anymore. Posh girl hair requires sea salt specifically from the Indian Ocean. Why else do you think The Maldives is so popular? Just text Mummy and Daddy asking for first class tickets and a water villa at the Four Seasons. Come on, they can’t say no! This is for your HAIR!

I tried all the steps and it worked x

I tried all the steps and it worked x

So problem solved. Just follow these easy steps and you too can have posh girl hair!