New Year’s Eve is the worst night of the year

Nothing you do can stop it from being terrible

New Year’s Eve. A night full of memories which now leave us all cringing given some of the shocking things we’ve done over the years.  Its one of those nights where we all make ourselves go to that next level. In every sense, we go all out. We dress nicer, we drink heavier. But no matter what we do, it’s shit.

Agreed, spontaneous nights out are always the best and NYE encapsulates every worst aspect of the organised pre-planned yawn-a-thon. Where’s the element of surprise? NYE lacks that “for-the-hell-of-it” aspect we all adore.

For some reason, we always end up seeing in the new year with people we don’t even know. So-and-so’s boyfriend, you-know-who’s sister, whats-her-name’s friend, they’re all there because it’s New Year’s Eve. Your previously tight group is smothered by hangers-on. Do you know what? I don’t like you-know’s sister. I do not want to get drunk with her, never mind get drunk and say goodbye to the year right next to her. Babe I share no memories of you, we haven’t met before so why is it imperative that I’m in a new year’s insta with you?

If that’s not bad enough, you have to put up with all the couples that are there on the night. Even your own parents become intolerable. They all stand there, staring into each other’s eyes saying over and over: “It’s been a wonderful year with you, I can’t wait to spend many more with you”. Oh fuck off, what is this your anniversary? Get a room, and pass me a 5p orange Sainsbury’s bag to throw up in. Too late, the PDA has made me mini sick in my mouth.

Even worse, NYE is when all people in relationships decide to pity you. Being single on New Year’s Eve is seen as a tragedy but honey, it’s New Year’s and you’re still with your sixth form boyfriend. What’s so superior about that? Let’s be real, nothing about that gives you a reason to pity me because I’m kissing a random tonight.

So many kisses on NYE..

He was a random…

That said, maybe the couples have a point because we’re all kissing randoms on NYE and we’re so plastered there’s a real danger of getting with a 4/10 minger. Worse than that, you’ll take someone home. Of course you will. We all get drunk and reflect on the shit things about our own lives at the end of the year, we could end the night alone but we’re feeling nostalgic. We feel lonely, and hey it’s a vulnerable time. So we’ll chunder in the club and go home with someone. Either way the standards slide, and you even start eyeing up your best friend’s brother. Not cool.

NYE dancing lol

In da club

If you do go home alone, you’re still not safe. You think you’re sobering up but your phone is in your hand, you’re reminiscing. There’s that voice saying “Don’t do it!” But we all go ahead and do it, because we’re twats with no self control: we text the ex.

You’ll wake up and swear you were drunk when you sent the “I miss you” message but let’s not deny it, we’re all actually just stone cold sober in bed, longing for a good ole spoon. Tragic I know, the truth hurts.

As much as you might walk through life with a “no regrets” attitude, NYE is the one time where we always begin to feel like we’ve not done things the way we wanted. Why have we not achieved anything we wanted to? What have we got to be proud of? No wonder we have New Year’s resolutions: we’ve just spent a whole day thinking of nothing but all of the things we need to try and improve.

Year on year, this “new year, new me” bullshit always fails but we never break out of the habit. The guilt in us, the regrets, the shit we shrug off for the other 364 days of the year: it all suddenly hits a nerve and all on the same night.

And that, my friends, is why New Year’s Eve will always be shit.