Face it, the ‘friends zone’ is a bullshit term

Be honest: you’re either attracted to someone, or you’re not

Relationships are complicated, and when there’s an imbalance in the way one party feels about the other then it just becomes a bit of a mess. However, there’s always one sturdy excuse that people cling to to lessen the blow of the rejection- you’re just too much of a good friend.

The friend-zoning excuse has led to an entire generation of boys and girls who devalue friendship because they believe that by being friends with someone, you’re immediately exterminating any possibility of one day grasping their genitalia. It’s about time everyone wakes up and realises that the friend zone really doesn’t exist.

This could be you if you took a chance with a friend

This could be you if you took a chance with a friend

Attraction is a very confusing thing. In life, there isn’t simply a whole group of people you’re willing to be with, and a whole group of people who are less fortunate. Instead, you can be surprised when you find yourself desiring an unkempt rugby lad when you’d always considered yourself to have a pretty boy type.

The same goes for people you’re friends with. There’s a reason why friendship groups often become incredibly incestuous- it’s pretty easy to want to be with someone for the same reason that you’re friends with them.

It’s likely a friend would make a great potential partner. Hopefully, your friendship exists due to a mutual fondness of each other’s personality. If you’ve already decided that this person is likeable enough to become one of your chosen few, then surely it’s a logical step that they may also be likeable enough to be considered as more than just a friend?

Not to mention, it would be a challenge to find any person who hasn’t fantasised about getting with one of their friends. Even if you’re close to someone, it’s inescapable to admit to yourself that you’ve landed yourself with a fit friend. Instead of despairing over “being friend-zoned”, do the sensible thing and be honest with yourself and them about the way you feel. Even if you’d only want a physical relationship with the person, as long as this isn’t going to become  more important than the existing friendship, your friend is likely to at the very least be a bit flattered that you’re interested in them.

Don't cry with resentment if your friend doesn't want this with you

Don’t cry with resentment if your friend doesn’t want this with you

However- when it comes to friends with benefits, proceed with caution. Friend-zoning is an easy excuse for people to use when they’re simply not interested in a person, but loses its credibility even more so when you claim you’ve only ever thought of a person as a friend whilst simultaneously entering their orifices on a regular basis. It’s not that you think of them as a friend, it’s just that they’re a friend who you happen to be sexually attracted to. If the unfortunate event that the person you’re friends with benefits with catches feelings, don’t be quick to jump on the friend-zoning excuse. Have a bit more respect and honesty, and admit that you’re unwilling to commit to anything more than a casual fuck every now and then.

If you’re simply not attracted to someone at all, then the friend-zone usually comes as a monumental sigh of relief. You can easily dissuade the person pursuing you without having to worry about hurting their feelings. However, friend-zoning just doesn’t cut it. So many relationships begin as friendships, so if your only excuse is that you ‘only think of them as a friend’, you’re allowing for a flicker of hope to exist. It may seem cruel, but sometimes it’s better to just say it as it is.

The next time you consider “friend-zoning” someone, or you dare to think that you have been made a victim of “friend-zoning”, please remember: there’s no such thing. There’s either being attracted to someone, or not.