If you live in Redland you’re boring and middle class

Where do you live if you’re not quite posh enough for Clifton but you’re just not edgy enough for Gloucester Road?

Redland. You live in Redland.

Made up of streets upon streets of identical houses where fun goes to die, every year hordes of students flock to live in what is undoubtedly the least exciting area of Bristol. Cotham may be boring too, but at least it’s close to the uni, Stokes Croft and the city centre, which makes it pretty much the ideal location. From Redland it takes you at least 20 minutes to get into uni and twice as long to get anywhere else – you should literally just stay home.

Yawn

“But Redland has house parties!” you protest, even though you probably don’t remember the last time you were invited to one. Nothing makes you feel lonelier on your way home than walking past houses blaring music with people crowding the porch while you longingly picture how much fun everyone is having inside – without you.

Even when you get the occasional invite, by 1AM the night inevitably dies down to a few friends from your halls who you never see any more standing around an empty living room, reminiscing about how fun first year was. Then, you leave too so you can get an early night before your big day in the library.

Even the cats here are grumpy

Let’s face it – the most fun you’ll have in Redland will be browsing the aisles of the Clifton Down Sainsbury’s.

Bristol is a lively, vibrant city. It has everything you could want from a place – art, architecture, cute independent shops and cafes, as well as a great music scene. Looking at Redland, though, you wouldn’t see any of this. A few generic shops, restaurants and pubs full of middle-aged locals is all you’ll find in this cultural wasteland.

There’s no Suspension Bridge, street art or Lakota here – I doubt Banksy’s ever set foot in this part of Bristol. Of course you can attempt to venture out of the area, but  you’ve probably ended up in a predictable routine. Your life consists of uni, library, home on repeat, while the occasional Motion night is the cultural pinnacle of your month. And who can blame you, really? It’s a long way to go and watching Netflix in bed is much more fun anyway, or so you’ve come to believe now that you’ve become an empty shell of the person you used to be.

Despite all this, living in Redland might have been worth it for the sake of a nice, cheap house. Alas, those are few and far between. What looks like the ideal student house at a viewing often turns out to be a cobwebby nightmare full last years’ tenants’ used tissues. Soon enough you’ll find yourself wishing you’d shelled out a bit more money for a nice house in Clifton where you wouldn’t have to put on shoes just to walk into your housemate’s bedroom.

Still, despite the wide range of housing options in Bristol, year after year students continue to choose to live in Redland. Does that really come as a surprise, though? You may be bored out of your mind, but at least you’ll get that 2:1 – Redland makes the library seem fun. Besides, you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re having a great time, because if you weren’t already a soulless zombie, Redland has probably turned you into one.