There’s no such thing as a ‘complicated’ relationship
You’re not 15 anymore
Mark Zuckerberg may still think “it’s complicated” deserves a place on the drop down list of relationship options on Facebook but I’m here to say it doesn’t. In fact, I’m here to kill it off as an option all together.
Everyone I know seems to be in “complicated” relationships and I’m sick and tired of it. Only last week, I was in my room with two helpless friends. So tell me about it I said: he hasn’t texted you back in 14 hours but he’s opened your snap? At first, you thought his phone died but then you saw him this morning from a distance and he was holding his phone? Oh shit.
What do you say to friends in such an instance? Honestly, all I could think was: “You’re both fucked.”
Complicated relationships belong in the past, as part of the childish Year 9 boy-girl drama. Back then, one of you wouldn’t respond to a Whatsapp and before you knew it you’d be taking a “break” from your relationship. You’d even stop sitting next to each other in Geography (awks).
We’re older now though, and while I’m not denying it was great when you slept together, the lack of commitment can only mean one thing. Yes, you cuddled with each other after and he stayed all night long (how adorable!). But, here it comes… Now, he’s having sex with Laura. And Chloe. And Hannah. Oh, and that one girl he doesn’t even know the name of.
It’s not just guys to blame of course. While you’re being told she’s “busy”, she’s actually meeting up with Ed from her course. Yeah…. I saw them together.
As much as someone can say “You wouldn’t understand because it’s complicated”, the truth is I get it. You were great friends, always hanging out. Movie nights and coffee dates. You secretly liked each other, then you kissed on that Friday. Soon you kissed every Friday. He gave you that look.
But at the end of the day, you’re sitting in front of me and we’re both quoting Avril Lavigne. Seriously, that girl was onto something. He obviously likes you, and you like him too. She sends you goodnight and good morning texts. Perfect. What else is missing?
If they’re not willing to actually be in a genuine relationship it’s easy to tell what they really mean.
“It’s not the right time.” They mean: “It’ll never be the right time between you and them.”
“It wouldn’t work out.” They mean:”It can’t work out now I’m fucking you and Sarah.”
“I like how chilled things are.” They mean: “I like that I get to fuck you and Sarah.”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.” They mean: “I’m not ready to stop sleeping around, I’ve only just started.”
In other words, it’s not complicated. It’s actually pretty obvious. You aren’t good enough to be their boyfriend or girlfriend. They think there is someone better out there. Yes, they like you, just not enough to not want to put their dick in any vagina willing. Or maybe they’re just stringing you along to boost their confidence so they can go out with other better-looking guys afterwards.
You’re so blinded by the hope of it working out you refuse to see the light. I’ve been there too many times. It leaves you feeling like shit, and you can’t understand why they don’t like you back. There may be many things wrong with me. But it’s not me at fault. Even the person telling you “it’s not the right time” isn’t to blame. It’s the concept. The whole idea which keeps the facade of “it’s complicated” alive. We welcome the uncertainty because we think it’s normal. It’s gone wrong for us all too many times so instead of facing the reality we label it a genre of relationships. We escape the pain and live in the pretence.
Now, it’s time to stop. We need to re-discover our self worth, bring back respect for other people’s feelings and tell ourselves what I should have said to my friends: Stop texting back. Stop thinking about it. Stop the questioning. Stop it all.
We all deserve better.