Where to dine after a night out in Bristol

Jason Donervan’s

We start with every fresher’s favourite and a genuine household name. Everyone’s got their own story about that time their mate’s girlfriend’s sister chundered on them at this notorious Bristol landmark.

Price: 3/10

Once you’ve drunkenly got over the fact Donvervan is quite a good pun, you’ll realise the food is ridiculously over-priced. It’s an urban myth there’s a difference between a small and large chips. Still, it won’t stop you buying it.

Customer Service: 8/10

You can’t fault them on this one. I still can’t get my head around how that guy makes a cone out of a piece of paper so quickly. Eat your heart out McDonald’s, Donervan’s take “fast food” to a new level.

Location: 10/10

If Mr. Jason Donervan could pick one spot in the whole of Bristol to put his van the Triangle would be the place. He is literally living the dream.

Quality: 4/10

To be fair, Donervan’s does do a decent kebab but on the whole it’s the same old story every time. When your chips, covered in an oddly-coloured excuse for ketchup, go cold or you’ve eaten half your burger you realise you don’t want to eat any more. Plus, it certainly doesn’t help your hangover the next day.

TOTAL: 25/40

Taka Taka

Second on the list is the Greek phenomenon, Taka Taka Pita House. It’s the place you’ve always heard about but until you’ve been you don’t quite get all the hype about it.

Price: 6/10

You’ll certainly be forking out a bit more than Donervan’s for this one but don’t head to the cash point just yet. At this late-night hideout you have to slyly work around the menu. A chicken gyros at £3.60 is a snip.

Customer Service: 4/10

Taka Taka can be frustrating at times as you’ll probably be waiting five-six minutes at peak times. Plus there’s the added stress of having a receipt with your number on it which you inevitably lose when inebriated. You’ll eventually get your food after a member of staff shouts out a number so many times you realise it must be yours.

Location: 7/10

A slight detour from the quintet of Bunker, Pams, Mbargos and Lounge but definitely worth it. There’s also the added bonus of a warm seat and a table where you can analyse and dissect the night’s events over an authentic Greek takeaway.

Quality: 9/10

After another shocking night at Syndicate, Taka Taka is literally the perfect place to put you in a good mood. Quality food, you can never go wrong at Taka Taka.

TOTAL: 26/40

Dominos

The high end of post-night dining. Dominos is tasty but is it really worth your money?

Price: 1/10

There can be no hiding from the fact Dominos prices are extortionate. Some pizzas cost £16.99, what most of us spend on food in a week. A complete rip off.

Customer Service: 7/10

Not much customer service is needed at 3am as most of the work is done online but most of the drivers are fairly friendly, even in the early hours.

Location: 10/10

Of course the main attraction of Dominos is you can lounge around half-watching the Inbetweeners or Peep Show for half an hour before your chauffeur turns up with the food. You just have to hope you haven’t fallen asleep by the time the pizza has arrived.

Quality: 7/10

The quality is good and the first few slices are divine. However, after you’ve eaten half the pizza, you realise your fingers are so greasy they’re practically corroding and your mouth feels as dry as the Sahara.

TOTAL: 25/40

M&Ms

The last on the list is M&M’s, probably the most standard kebab shop in the country. It doesn’t try to be anything it’s not, it’s just simply a bog standard babby.

Price: 6/10

A drink, burger and chips for £5 is not a bad deal.

Customer Service: 5/10

What you’d expect for a kebab shop at three in the morning: nothing special but they do the basics right. Neat and tidy but won’t go out of their way to make your experience memorable.

Location: 8/10

Ideally placed bang in the middle of Whiteladies Road, the bright lights of M&M’s attract students from Redland, Clifton and Stoke Bishop stumbling home.

Quality: 5/10

All veterans of M&M’s know you don’t come here expecting Michelin star food but it does the job and you’ll sleep happy. The chips should get a special mention. They do great chips.

TOTAL: 24/40