I asked my exes why I’m still single
And they were brutally honest
Have you ever wondered why you’re still single and all your friends are in relationships? Well why not ask for feedback?
Last year I turned 20 and I’m still single. I’ve always put my singledom down to poor timing or wrong circumstances and the phrase “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” has almost become my motto.
Over the last two years I’ve met girls in all the classic uni relationship ways and none have ever been more than a few dates and most ended with just being friends before any actual dating took place.
Although I haven’t spoken to some of them in months I took the plunge, swallowed my pride and asked for feedback on Facebook messenger.
There’s always someone who you just click with straight away and many a romance starts in Freshers’ week. I’ve always known that the feeling wasn’t mutual and soon my Fresher love had found someone else and we became friends. However I was still curious to find out what landed me in the friend zone.
I knew that one of the reason could be my eagerness. I’m always been pretty straight up when I like someone and I don’t see the point of being coy and playing hard to get.
It is not surprising that someone who also likes the chase could see it as “an easy friendship”. So far not so bad, this could be easier than I thought!
Not the most romantic way to meet the love of your life but love can flourish from a drunken hook up and an exchange of digits in the smoking area. Between two Monday bunkers we’d been to see a play and had a movie night, coincidentally we were in the same hall and this made spending time with each other easy.
However, it finished as quickly as it had started and by this point I was pretty used to rejection and so like water off a duck’s back I put it down as bad timing.
Being told that I was too keen was a little bit harder to swallow this time. This had been the closest I had ever been to being in a relationship and it was the first time I’d ever asked someone where we stood.
In hindsight I had been far too eager, I just couldn’t wait to ring my mum and change my Facebook relationship status, but I still don’t think I would have changed how I acted. With reservations I headed into the second year of the Shakespearian tragedy that has been my love life.
House party Hook-up
I was invited by an old school friend to her birthday party in Bath. Having shown that away fixtures are no problem I headed home thinking that it would not progress any further.
However, after being reunited in a group chat we were soon the brunt of the jokes and people were suggesting that we went on a date. The idea grew on me and eventually I asked her on a date.
This came as no real shock, I knew all along that it probably wasn’t going to lead to a second date. Still, part of me actually wanted to see if it could work and once again I was more devoted than she was. On the positive side it’s always nice to hear your dating ability is good.
It hit that stage. I was now on tinder looking for love. After a few conversations that fizzled out I eventually found someone who I wanted to meet up with, so I asked her on a date. Very soon after our date she stopped replying.
There’s not a lot I could take from this, although I imagine that as I’m full on, someone who is anti-relationship would find me fairly off putting straight away.
What have I learnt from this experience? Firstly the concept of playing hard to get has completely flown by me! I will probably now be slightly more reserved at the start if not only to stop myself becoming unnecessarily invested.
I wouldn’t recommend asking exes for feedback.
Everyone I asked first replied by saying “wow, that’s brave of you” and having dealt with a lot of rejection I thought that the replies wouldn’t affect me.
But they did. Although I wouldn’t change how I acted in any of the situation I still couldn’t help thinking what if? This isn’t good: it’s much better to move on than dwell on what could have been.
I don’t believe you make mistakes being yourself and therefore there’s nothing you can change without changing you – unless you have poor personal hygiene.