The fall of Syndicate proves we all have fantastic taste in music

Syndicate: hidden in the depths of Cabot Circus, adjacent to a desolate shopping centre, opposite to the Brook Advisory Clinic for Sexual Health. It was never very nice and now it’s over, the so-called “superclub” is shutting down.

Presumably the place had many reasons for closing. But being a shit club covers just about the all of them. After nine years serving double vodka cranberries to 3.5 million half breeds, after nine years of running a sound system which its promoters claimed could “knock your socks off”, it’s all over.

It’s over

For generations of confused freshers it was a thoughtless ritual to stumble down to this chavvy hellmouth to sink Jagerbombs or throw up in the weird bouncy castle that was there on Friday nights. Once you’d been there, the chances are you never went again, unless you were desperate to get fingered by a local guy in a cheap suit and questionable sleeve tatts.

But worst of all was the music. The music that you find on a 13-year-old’s iPpod Shuffle being played at a venue which should’ve known better, listened to by clubbers too drunk to know any better. Over its near decade of non-service to the Bristol music scene, these were the anthem-makers dominating Syndi’s sound system: The Kaiser Chiefs, The Hoff, Bombay Bicycle Club, Rizzlekicks, Mumford… As Kurtz said in Heart of Darkness:

“The horror! The horror!”

Over the years Syndi attracted a vast array of celebrities.

Child fiddler

Celebs like Tyga – the 25 goober who’s music is not quite there yet but makes up for it by being a single father of one who shags the 17 year old Kylie Jenner, errrr, cool?

twat.

Then there’s Scott Disick – another no mark who’s only famous because of the Kardashians. He thanked them for making him rich by cheating on mother of 3 Kourtney multiple times.

These are the celebs Syndi hired in a hopeless attempt to get you, the beautiful students of Bristol, through their grime-encrusted doors. And in your droves you decided you didn’t want to spend nights listening to the Kaiser Chiefs while the gal from your flat who you secretly didn’t really like tried to get a selfie with D-list reality star.

If you like pop, R&B and “guilty pleasures” the news of Syndicate’s downfall may have hit you hard. But Bristol is renowned for its underground music scene, its coolness, its great vibes. The end of Syndi could have a terrible knock on effect, as an the influx of ‘What’s a Boiler Room’ locals and ‘Where can I buy some gak’ meatheads invade the real clubs which play real music.

Top night in Syndi

We can only speculate at this point as to why Syndi has been closed. I’d argue that a student body like the one in Bristol, which is made up of people who don’t have to google the lyrics to “Shutdown”, would always be an audience hostile to a dump like Syndicate.

With people moving with the time, clubs that play classics and chart music will fall behind and those that mix filthy baseline and garage will come out on top. In the future, as a result of more people experiencing tech house in a Stokes Croft basement instead of spending their dolla on Syndicate’s pricey drinks, Class A drug consumption and drug economy will boom.

It’s closure ought to make you proud. It ought to make your mates proud. It ought to make Bristol proud. The writing was on the wall for a long, long time judging by reviews like this:

Thanks Ramona.

The question is now: Where are all the WKD drinking, short back and sides, Sunday League Football players and wives now going to congregate?

Meanwhile, give yourself a pat on the back, look in the mirror and smile, open a bottle of champers – we’ve done it, good taste has won – the worst club in town is gone.