These are the reasons nobody ever pulls at house nights

Ahhh house nights. Some say it’s “same old” but others just keep coming back. Tinnitus-inducing bass, dark ambience, shuffle showdowns, perfect line-ups, but moreover an excuse to get absolutely annihilated.

But why is it so hard to pull? Has anyone actually seen any sexy flirting going on at Motion? Has anyone actually saved a number correctly or remembered that dude or dudette’s last name to later Facebook stalk?

Not from what I’ve heard, seen, or experienced. Let’s go through the reasons why.

Everyone is either too fucked, looks scary or is scared

Let’s face it: being fucked on drugs usually means not noticing hot people and/or looking scary. Looking scary equals other people being scared. All of these combined equals no chance of pulling opportunities.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

There are way too many fit girls

There’s something in the water in Bristol. Everyone is absurdly attractive but especially the girls. Plus they have what some scholars call “the taken look”. 

These insanely fit girls look like they already have boyfriends and so no guy risks going for them and getting the inevitable rejection.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Those who aren’t absolutely fucked are taken and good looking

Couples do their own thing, look good and make the rest of us singletons just give up. Motion is full of them.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

People are more interested in taking selfies than getting off with you

People are too preoccupied with their self-image and taking dozens of selfies in the hope at least one will be nice enough to post. The result is a failure to be either photogenic or lucky in love.

Mandems take their tops off and they smell terrible

Yes, it gets hot, and sweat drips from the ceiling, but taking your top off is unattractive and contributes to the god-awful smell at Motion. Please think twice before you take your top off…especially if you are single.

But the main reason?

The music is too good and people are way too fucked to worry about sex.

Anyway, for those of you that do succeed regardless, kudos.