Why aren’t you spending all your revision breaks in Wilkos?

Picture this: your brain is flat-lining, you’ve been in the library for God knows how long and the sense of doom in the room is only comparable to that of a Dignitas waiting room.

Procrastination ranges from YikYak to searching for polar bears on Google maps. This is the point where most of us would throw in the towel and potter home (rightly so) to put the kettle on and inevitably continue the day on Facebook and Instagram.

Deep down, we know this admittance of defeat doesn’t help us. It’s not a productive break from our work. You don’t feel good about it. This is why anyone after real fun needs to head to Wilkos for their half hour revision break. Give it 30 minutes and you’ll feel as though you’ve caught a hot air balloon to Timbuktu for work, uni is a world away and all that matters is the game of “pop gun” you and fellow customers are enjoying.

It’s a bit like 007 Nightfire…

It’s no coincidence “Wilko” is such a similar name to that of a certain chocolate factory owner, because once you’ve entered through their doors you’re plunged into a world of pure imagination you only thought possible with a golden ticket.

From dinosaur fancy dress to rakes and lampshades, Wilkos has everything you can imagine, and yes you can buy them at prices some would describe as criminal. 36 cloths pegs for £1: Poundland eat your heart out. If you’re not up for a bit of spontaneous spending (or your budget won’t allow it), there are still plenty of ways to enjoy what Wilkos has to offer.

Unfortunately some excitements are age restricted in the worst way 🙁

Walking into the Toys section is an experience that can only be matched by walking into the Great Hall on your first day at Hogwarts (I imagine). Wilkos has the best toys I have seen since 2005: rubber chickens, snakes, pop guns, putty, you name it, they’ve got it.

No need for finishing school

If, like so many others at uni, you were planning on spending this summer on a flower arranging course you can hold onto your money. Simply head to Wilkos and play around with their extensive collection of plastic flowers, found in the “Stuff you need” section. The “flowers” are in all sorts of unnatural colours for you to arrange in barbaric and foul combinations to your heart’s content with little to no judgement from your fellow shoppers.

‘Twas a good tent

You can also enjoy the comforts of tenting for a mere 10 minutes in the warm and dry environment of a shop before realising tenting is shit and about as over-hyped as halloumi.

I’ve bin here for ages

Tip: the most fun things in Wilkos are placed strategically in front of the checkouts so the staff can watch over them like a North Korean satellite over America.

The sport section is limited but we managed to find a Hoola Hoop complete with protective head gear for the extreme Hoola Hoopers among us. Safety always comes first in Wilkos.

Extreme Hoola hooping

You may think the gardening section in Wilkos would be limited in terms of fun, but that’s where you’re completely and utterly wrong. With a little imagination, gardening clogs, rakes, bamboo sticks and watering cans can be used to reconstruct ancient battles in the aisles or simply for pretend gardening.

However, let’s be honest: pretend gardening is only fun for around three minutes until the shop staff stop to ask if you’re planning on buying the gardening clogs or the rake you’re using on your imaginary vegetable patch.

Before you leave Wilkos and return to work, the judgemental tone of the shop assistant still ringing in your ears, stop by the seeds. Any perfectionist will be entranced by the momentous amount of seeds on offer. It almost looks as exciting as the pick n’ mix…almost.

Alan Titchmarsh would love it here

So then, what are you waiting for? See you at the back of the shop in twenty for a hula-hooping contest.