I had a date by myself on Valentines Day

19:04 – As I ascended the bus steps, I immediately regretted my decision to sign up for this article. Surrounded by a nervous yet excited atmosphere, omitted by the collection of happy(ish) couples, I took a seat and began to observe.

I felt like Attenborough.

Scanning my fellow passengers, I noted the facial expressions that were on display, ranging from apprehensive to downright petrified.

Stepping off the bus with a swarm of couples was painful but I persevered and arrived at my chosen waterhole.

Ridin’ solo.

19:36 – Off to a bad start – no tables inside because they’ve all been booked up with love-struck duos, so, I’m exiled to the outside seating area where it began to rain (on my hopes and dreams of ever finding ‘the one’).

Then, lo-and-behold, a miracle strikes. A group of young gentlemen invite me to their table which happens to be undercover and out of the rain.

However, due to my dedication to the cause, I am forced to decline (bloody typical that the only time a stranger of the opposite sex has spoken to me in public).

Waiting for my meal

19:43 – As I took in my surroundings, I pondered my subjects for the night. Perfectly matched couples (probably thanks to Tinder), bonding over sloppy burgers, being sure to remove all onions and garlic from their plate – an added complication that I was fortunate enough not to be burdened with.

I ordered my veggie burger, and couldn’t help but think about how there would be no meat between my buns tonight.

Mmmm, onions.

20:00 – Among the first-daters and last-daters, one couple in particular caught my eye due to the seductive body language they were displaying (courting techniques comparable to a peacock’s).

The female flaunted her bare décolletage at the male whilst he sat, pecking at his fries.

All photos were taken by a pitying waiter.

20:18 – Back to the bus. On it a group of gleeful girls clasped bunches of red roses. Whatever. I strode to the back of the vehicle, imbued with a confidence created by my new found ability to dine alone and fulfilled by the burger I just wolfed down.

Compared to the bus going into the city, the bus’ ambiance seemed calmer and drowsier (no doubt thanks to alcohol) and I reveled in this, festering in my own oniony stench – maybe this is why I’m single.

Just me, myself and I.

20:44 – At halls once more, I pondered the whole concept of Valentines Day.

The popular cynical opinion that this particular day is just another money-making scheme created for hopeless romantics and those that feel the need to compensate for their lack of love displayed on every other day of the year is one I find myself agreeing with.

Being a strong independent women who don’t need no man, I follow the advice of famous pop-singer Kelly Clarkson, that it “doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone”.