You should have gone to Surrey

Bristol limps in at 18th place in the latest league tables.

It’s like a nightmare you can’t wake up from – the latest University league tables have just been released – and we’ve been placed 18th best in the country, beaten by the likes of Loughborough, East Anglia and even Surrey

The less-than-fantastic results come from The Complete University Guide, who ranked us 15th last year and 11th the year before.

 Some stupid league table reckons this is shit.  Hmm.

Unfortunately ‘pretty buildings’ isn’t a category

Truth be told, we all know league tables can’t be taken too seriously, but we still can’t help asking why Bristol continues to slide into the depths of mediocrity. How can Bristol University be that bad if all we can complain about is the rain and the ugly library?  It just doesn’t make sense.

If you're a fan of these adorable creatures, you definitely don't want to come to Bristol

If you’re a fan of these adorable creatures, Bristol might not be the place for you

Bristol remains imperious in most degrees  –   notably third in Mechanical Engineering and fourth in Geography, Dentistry and Drama.  So what is the anchor beneath our wings, dragging us down?

Subject wise, the dead weight dragging us down to 18th place is Business Studies.  Yep, it turns out we’re rubbish at that totally useful and academically rigorous degree. We rank at an embarrassing 34th, behind Heriot-Watt, Robert Gordon and other universities that sound like fancy sock brands.

We’re also the worst Uni in the country at Veterinary Medicine, with the most dismal graduate prospects and research assessment nationally, coming last out of the seven institutions that actually offer it.

Business Studies: that lead anchor dragging us down the league tables

Business Studies: that lead anchor dragging us down the league tables

Perhaps least surprisingly, the killer was student satisfaction. Second-lowest out of the top Unis, just behind UCL, we ranked at an abysmal 84th in the country.

But hey, there’s some good news -we’ve got better job prospects than Oxford, LSE and Warwick, so swings and roundabouts.