The definitive list of people you meet at pre-drinks

DJ David

”Heard this one mate? Aww wait wait wait for the drop.” Rather than drinking and talking with everyone else, this guy prefers to devote his time to playing obscure tracks he’s stumbled across on SoundCloud.

Anxious Annie

Often found clutching her phone tightly, worrying about how the group will get to their clubbing destination. ”Has anyone ordered a taxi yet?” ”Guys guys guys hurry up, taxi’s here!”

Shit-Faced Sam

This one always peaks too early when drinking. While most people are still getting ready, he’s already onto his next crate, wondering why nobody else is drunk at 9pm.

Schweffing Simon

This guy’s here for only one reason: to get with the hottie opposite him. Watch him as he attempts to gain favour at pre-drinks by offering some of his drink or pretending to care what course she is on in the hope of what may follow at the club. Later when he strikes out, you can expect him to quickly follow Sam’s lead.

Militant Matt

This person is obsessed with ensuring drinking games are played properly. No one can get away with bending the rules while he is around. ”Oh for Christ’s sake I have explained the rules, LIKE A  MILLION TIMES!”

Paralytic Polly

Poor girl. She drinks more than she can handle before even leaving the house, meaning pre-drinks often ends with her being put to bed at 10:30pm. As you’d expect, the next day isn’t a pretty sight…

Unhelpful Ursula

Usually found attempting to look after Polly despite being just as drunk, if not more. Completely useless.

Suzy Shots

“Lets do shots! Everybody everybody do a shot NOW!” Demonstrating a blatant disregard for your personal health, this girl is obsessed with getting all attendees of the pre-drinks to follow her example of one shot every 10 minutes. In other words, she’s Polly’s worst nightmare (yet somehow also her best friend…).

Friendless Freddie

This guy’s just a victim of bad luck. Usually someone else’s friend from home/the other side of campus, this guy finds most of the evening is spent sat on the edge of your group’s ‘in’ jokes, trying to remember your names before losing track of you all once you’re in the club. By the time you’re leaving the club, you’ll have forgotten he was ever with you.

Steady Steve

The ‘slow burner’ to some. For most of the evening he is a calm and collective individual, engaging in intelligent discussion. Then, out of nowhere, the drinks hit him. All rational thought disappears, and the dance floor calls for his best shapes.

Well-connected Wendy

Without this girl, the entire night would be a disaster. Not only is she friends with the promo people and gets you all on the guestlist, she also has loads of friends who come along and make the size of your group look less depressing.

Drifter Dave

”Anyone seen Dave recently?” So popular and well connected, this individual somehow manages to turn up at every single pre-drinks, staying at each one just long enough for everyone in the room to see his face and become aware of how popular he is. Nothing describes him better than the simple four letters: BNOC.

Fussy Fiona

Takes forever to get ready, and then holds up everyone else by demanding they don’t leave without her. At 11:30 she’ll still only be putting on her make-up…

Awkward Adam

Not really a drinker, or clubber or a conversation starter. In fact why is he here!? ‘Nights out’ are a rare occasion for this fellow, as he prefers spending time in the solitude of his bedroom, stalking the great time you had on Facebook and Twitter instead.

Naked Neil

For some reason, this guy feels every pre-drinks is only complete if it ends with some item of clothing coming off. Egged on by his mates, who all describe him to other people as a ‘top lad’, his antics unsurprisingly just seem off-putting to the fairer sex.

Vulture Vanessa

Who needs drinks when you have friends? That’s this girl’s motto. She’ll use her charm and flirtatious ways to ‘borrow’ other people’s drinks, meaning no mixer is safe when she is around.

Druggy Danny

Drinks are over-rated for this individual. Alternatively, he prefers to spend his time in the toilet snorting whatever over-priced class B he has been sold. When he does venture out of the loo, he’ll look down on you and your Basics vodka-mixer.

The Couple

Why does anyone still invite these two to pre-drinks? Despite the fact they’ve already spent all day with each other, these two feel it is necessary to stay hand-in-hand for the whole of pre-drinks, having their own whispered conversations away from everyone else. When it’s time to leave, they’ll then decide to ”just have a quiet one tonight” and head straight to the bedroom rather than the club. These people are bad friends.

This article was originally published on The Tab Bristol.