Sex guide to Stoke Bishop halls

Finally met the one? Or are you just eagerly sat in the back of a taxi preparing for a one night stand?

Either way, an insight into your partner’s sex life can prove advantageous and their halls of residence can tell a lot.

Hiatt Baker

You’ll need more protection than just a condom for this hall. Located on a construction site has led many residents fearing for their life whilst ‘at it’.

Don’t be surprised to find your partner wearing a hard hat, goggles and ear plugs to counter the noise and everlasting fear of a wrecking ball crashing through their room unexpectedly.

Best advice? Try to keep noise to a minimum. Poor wall insulation allows the entire floor to hear your bonking and the single beds often make it a less than desirable experience.

Safety first at Hiatt Baker

Churchill

Spacious rooms allow for great role play scenarios. Although you may need to keep your partner’s attention. They often drift away, coming to terms with the fact they are just a ‘poor mans’ Wills.

Advice? Watch out for the walks of shame. The Hall’s slightly isolated location has led many students to be caught in this embarrassing situation.

Wishing he was elsewhere…

University Hall

Full bodied condoms are a must here for outsiders, though the residents’ immune systems have properly adapted to the STI’s that lurk around this hall.

Over exaggerating? Perhaps the residences in Chlamydia Block, or ‘C’ Block for outside residents, can back up this advice.

Surely enough protection for the outsider?

Badock

The smoke filled rooms have often led to questionable incidences in this hall. Some have even claimed to have shagged the same sex by accident when under the influence of whatever is trending in their ‘unit’ (block for those non-edgy people out there).

Nonetheless, the trippy effects of the Badock lifestyle may make you feel special. Residents will often be hazed enough to believe they are shagging someone far fitter than they really are. For you, this makes you feel worthwhile. For them, the torment from friends the morning after is often unbearable.

Being told about last nights activities

Wills

First off, you’ve done well…pulling a student with money. The repressive nature of the Hall can lead to some odd experiences.  Traditions are always followed and their sex life is no different.

Expect an odd, albeit slightly erotic, strip-tease following Friday formals and a huge array of sex toys ordered off Amazon in their attempt for a 5* experience. Even if the sex is not good, a night spent in their rooms might make the night worthwhile (probably not).

‘I can show you the time of your life’

Durdham

Nearly forgot this Hall existed, let alone had a sex life. You are more likely to pull students from this hall during an intense evening of board games, rather than the typical night out. On the plus side, expect a quality morning-after munch with the flat’s excellent living space and ensuite facilities ensuring there is no embarrassment when leaving your partner’s room for a mad toilet rush.

Typical Night out in ‘Dullham’