The problem

Dear Jack,

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for five months now. It’s my first relationship and it’s got really intense. She’s a beautiful girl and the sex is great.

The problem is it’s really starting to have an impact on my degree. I’m in my final year and I do a really intense course. My marks have been consistently poor since I started seeing her. I didn’t do enough revision for my January exams and I felt they went really badly. I’m not concentrating on my work – I’m too busy (a) thinking about my girlfriend or (b) in bed with her.

I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I leave Bristol with a Desmond. The trouble is, whenever I say I’m busy, my girlfriend gets pissed off! I’ve been trying to up the work level this week and haven’t really seen her. She’s constantly texting me saying things along the lines of ‘what’s going on?’. A bit unreasonable I know, but at the same time I really, really don’t want to lose her. She’s the girl of my dreams.

A couple in love

As I said, my course is really intense, and if I’m serious about getting a 2:1 I’m going to have to seriously cut down on the amount of time I spend with her. I don’t want to spoil our relationship though.

Would really appreciate some advice on this.

Jack’s reply

You really need to sort your life out fella. Three/four years of study and you’re willing to throw all that down the drain over some girl?

OK I get it, it’s your first relationship and you’re enjoying yourself. But I’m not being funny, if she can’t understand that you’ve got work to do and can’t spend all your time shagging, then perhaps she isn’t the right one for you?

Have you actually explained the situation to her? That you’re getting shit marks and you’re in line for a Desmond? I can’t believe any reasonable person wouldn’t understand you desperately need to knuckle down.

Leaving Uni with a 2:2 isn’t an option. Unless you’ve got a rich mummy and daddy, you’ll be ineligible for pretty much all the graduate schemes. Employers will just laugh at you. Do you think your girlfriend will want to be with you then? An utter no-hoper.

Stop fussing over how your girlfriend will react and concentrate on getting a decent degree. That’s why we’re all here at the end of the day. If she can’t deal with that, then maybe it’s time to reconsider whether this relationship is worth it. 

Regards,

Jack. 

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