It’s a familiar scene to any first year Stoke Bishop resident. Girls in short skirts and heels; boys in T shirts slightly too small for them; spilt alcohol soaking the pavement; and bored looking security guards wishing they had a more serious job to do. Friday night at the Hiatt Baker bus stop seems to bring out the wild tribal spirit in the best of us. It’s not long before the war cries, animalistic pack calls, and stylized football hooligan songs begin. These are some of my personal picks from the vast catalogue of Stoke Bishop bus chants…

“I would rather be in UWE than in Wills”

Arguably the most over used of all the chants. Simple melody, with increasing tempo throughout. The chant serves as a crushing reflection on Wills hall implying that the singer(s) would rather be a part of our under developed neighbor university sitting on the M32, than be a part of Wills. This chant is enough to make a lone Wills ranger disguise his true roots out of a visceral fear of physical abduction and danger.

Stunning or embarrassing?

“If you can’t buy your meals, then you’re a c***”

Same melody and rhythm as above. An ambiguous chant usually aimed at self-catered halls such as Durdham and UH. This chant is often the reserve of Wills and Churchill students desperately clinging onto their last weapon against their noisy dirty neighbors. Making a mockery of economic backgrounds, this is a simple chant with a sharp taste left by its cadence which is used at various occasions. This is often countered by the classic UH chant “If you can’t cook your meals, then you’re a c***”.

“UUUUUUU H”

The UH chant is somewhat reflective of UH itself. Nothing special and a little blunt – however, ultimately, when sung in unison, this chant (often mimicking the dulcet drones of a satanic cult) has the ability to empower UH students who can be seen using their superior numbers to bully their Rah neighbors in the savage scramble to the front of the queue.

UH chant: trying to be football hooligans

“Hiatt Baker can you fix it? Hiatt Baker, no you can’t” (to the tune of ‘Bob the Builder’)

The answer is no, no you can’t. Although now out of fashion, this chant certainly makes it into my favorites list. Inspired by the building work that has been plaguing the hall from before freshers even moved in last September, the chant plays on the ugly soviet-era/Bauhaus nature of HB’s exterior appearance. Trying to make Hiatt Baker look nice is like applying make up to DMX’s wife. To quote the ‘History Boys’, you can’t polish a turd.

“Do you even, do you even, do you even have a quaaad?”

Evidently a rhetorical chant used by some old quad residents of Wills. This chant is a commentary on the comparative beauty of the Oxbridge-college styled quad as opposed to Hiatt Baker’s relative lack of greenery. On of the most sacred parts of the Wills estate, it is the envy of other halls whose residents can be seen running across it after a standard night out on the triangle.

The envy of other halls

“Yaya, Yaya Yaya, Yaya Yaya, Yaya Yaya Touré, Kolo, Kolo Kolo”

This is a chant I love to hate. Any time, any place, this chant just pops up anywhere. Speculators say that on any given Friday night, this chant can be heard at 83.4% of student bus stops all over country. Like a plague, the monotonous chorus is sweeping its way through the UK and we are all slowly becoming indoctrinated by the powers that be – into Yaya and Kolo loving machines. The Hiatt Baker bus stop itself is no exception; it is a common sight to see 30 or 40 people catching Yaya fever and Kolo syndrome.

Toure brothers: mysteriously popular among students