12 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A Philosophy Student
Snehal Shah cynically discusses the features of her own subject.
1. Silent disgust of these guys
Lovechildren of the hippie and the hipster, these guys ‘philosophise’ about the beauty and sociological meaning of a pencil. But it’s fine, they’re high. And they’re half naked in a park, preaching about the revolution.
2. Irrational fear of the Ladyman
Can’t decide if you love him or fear him more. But if he talks to you, you’ll lose control of your bodily fluids.
3. “I study in a palace.”
You feel just a bit more intelligent for working in this grand old place (and a bit more awkward for wearing your trainers in there)
4. The compulsory crush on Richard Pettigrew
Admit it: you only went to Logic lectures in first year to hear his glorious accent
5. Silently cringing at this:
6. The secret hierarchy of joint honours degrees
You accepted long ago the Phys Phil students will always be smarter than you. And you sneer at Phil English students’ long, flowery, meaningless words.
7. PhilSoc event? Run in the opposite direction
Every PhilSoc social turns into a philosophy debate and the same 10 nerds are the only ones there. You’re better off joining the druggie Marxists
8. Mozart randomly reaching your ears?
Oh that’s just Alexander Bird and his grand piano, No Big Deal. (There’s another piano in the library. Most departments don’t even have ONE.)
9. Questioning the need to shave
Is a beard the DRESS CODE?
10. Highbury Vaults: Your Second Home
You’ve now taken up permanent residency at Highbury Vaults (WHY do we always go there? It’s loud, overpriced and tiny). Evenings on the triangle are a distant memory. This degree has zapped all the fun out of you.
11. You’ve got ten gruesome murder methods…
…for the one person who has a ‘question’. That very pompous, up-himself fellow with five long-winded and entirely pointless questions because he thinks he’s just disproved the entire theory. But really, he just doesn’t get it. You know the type, and you want him banished.
12. And when you finally graduate…
You realise you’ve come out of it all with expert skills in piano-playing and non-shaving, and a major superiority complex for actually doing a respectable arts degree. And no idea where to go now.
Keep peddling on, philosophers. Just never, ever, question the realism of your degree.