Reasons not to get it on with your housemate

Relationships with your housemates are never a good idea. 

People claim there are advantages. They’re genuinely idiots. Getting involved with a housemate is just lazy and selfish. Let us explore the reasons why:

1. You will break up, and you won’t be able to escape

For starters, flatmates in relationships will break up. There is no maybe. Living together, going to uni together, and sleeping together is too much exposure and eventually a glimpse of their face will make you want to run screaming from Bristol.

2. You miss out on the fun stuff

Shacking up with a roomie also means you miss out on all the fun of a one night stand. E.g. sometimes a walk of shame is quite fun. Getting off the bus at 8.30am the next day brightens the morning for those in the queue. For everyone leaving Stoke Bishop in shame, wandering down Whiteladies gives you your daily dose of exercise (although you’ve probably had that already). This is especially enjoyable when clad in fancy dress.

3. There will be more than the 2 of you in this relationship

Uni houses have thin walls. Very thin. In fact, your flatmates might as well be in the room with you. And the resulting jokes about audible grunts and duration will honestly not be worth it.

4. The ‘friends with benefits’ myth

Trying to keep it casual will not work. Friends with benefits always ends as no friends and definitely no benefits. Consider the historical example of Helen of Troy and Paris.

They started off as ‘just mates’ but one abduction and a war later, thousands are dead, Odysseus is at sea, and some poor bloke named Achilles got shot in the heel. And bullshit Hollywood examples (Mila Kunis and J.T; Harry and Sally) do not represent the innate complexities of 21st century student life.

5. You’ll be incredibly unpopular

Your housemates will eventually hate you. It will be impossible for you to keep it quiet and if you try, chances are they will walk in on you and then be angry with you for hiding it. If you choose to tell them from the start, they’ll just hate you for longer. You’ll be spending all your time with each other and effectively rubbing your relationship in your their faces.

6. It’s a permanent cock-block

You’ve just signed up for a self-induced, omnipresent, cock-block. You can’t pull anyone else, even if it’s casual, and you only have yourself to blame.

I realise that for some of you it might be too late. One night after Bunker you stumbled into the wrong bed and you still haven’t left. There’s no going back now.

For everybody else: congrats for not shitting where you eat.