Manifest-Doh!

If there’s one thing every election candidate needs it’s a strong set of proposals. Well, that and lots of friends.

The Tab realises most students won’t take the time to read through every manifesto so we’ve done the hard work for you.

Whilst many issues raised by candidates are valid and worthy of attention, quite a few caused us to raise an eyebrow. Here’s some of this year’s more baffling suggestions.

“A detailed map of Bristol University so students will never get lost again!”

This suggestion of Kelvin Chen’s worries us. Are students constantly getting lost and disappearing, never to be heard from again?

“The ASSL café can be reclaimed as study space not a noisy meeting hub”

Rob Griffiths, you don’t understand! If I can’t hang around in the ASSL café where will I go to strut my stuff in front of the less worthy?

“Wait, this is meant to be a study space?”

“Replace all lights with automated ones which turn off when not in use.”

Perhaps not a bad suggestion from Ellie Williams but we doubt anyone is walking round complaining about the lights being left on. Also it reminded us of this.

“I will maintain a daily blog of my activities”

Want to know what Farooq Sabri had for breakfast? Now you can! We’re sure that’s not exactly what he means but does anyone really want to read a daily blog of what another student has been up to? We get enough inane life updates through Facebook already.

“Guided mindfulness walks to encourage you to leave your library desk”

But if we leave, someone will steal our seat! Nice try Alessandra Berti, we’re not fooled that easily.

We should probably point out it’s not all bad. The vast majority of suggestions made by candidates are good. To end on a positive note, here are a couple of our favourites.

“We must save the John Nike Leisure Centre in East Staines”

Credit to Rob Griffiths for slipping a joke into his manifesto which is likely to go over the head of any student too young to remember Ali G Indahouse (that film is over a decade old now people!)

Rob and Ali are joining forces to save East Staines

“Venues that sponsor or host sports clubs should provide access to contraception”

This might be the greatest manifesto pledge we’ve ever read, so well done Tabby St Vincent. If she’s elected expect more intra-team orgies in the future of Bristol sport.

Who will you be voting for? Let us know in the comments.