Battle Of Stoke Bishop Stereotypes

Teenagers across the country have started to receive offers from Bristol University to study here next year.

For many, the next decision they make will be crucial in deciding which kind of student they eventually become. Wills or Churchill? UH or Hiatt Baker? Few choices are as life-altering as this.

Thankfully, The Tab is on hand to guide you through what to expect from each Stoke Bishop faction.

Gap Yah kids are right at home in Wills

In any historical account, being at the top of the hill proves advantageous, and in the Stoke Bishop hierarchy this is no exception.

The pinnacle of all halls, with two quads, one better manicured than the other, this ersatz Oxford hall is brimming with public school kids, fresh from their travels to an orphanage in Botswana.

If that’s not enough, who can forget the allure of weekly formals?

Not the most scenic hall…
Photo: Epigram

A place for the Wills rejects, the students who blend into the background, but will at least be loyal friends.

A good mix of Wills and UH stereotypes, this hall has one of the best bars in Stoke Bishop, and a notoriously passionate JCR. The size could be a push factor; however it is the closest hall to Wills, so that is at least one positive, as is the onsite Source Cafe – bargain.

You’ll want to make sure the building work will all be done by October though!

Welcome to UH
Photo: Jason Cartwright

Where do we start? Cheap and cheerful some might say, but on my one, and only visit during my first year I was served a disgustingly dodgy pint in their bar.

Their t-shirt slogan is “Sainsbury’s Basics”, and on the football field their tactics are decidedly so, but for those experiencing how expensive Bristol life can be, UH might be a welcome retreat from the hole Wills would burn in your McKenzie wallet.

Cartoon: Katie Bend

Do I smell weed? No, surely not.

Moving on, Badock maintains its reputation as an edgy, nonplussed hall that has a thriving bar, and ‘units’ instead of blocks. The façade is likened to a prison, don’t let this deter you from a fun hall, whose residents in second year are more likely to be found in the Gloucester Road clubs than in the bubble of the triangle.

Cartoon: Katie Bend

They say there’s a lot in a name. Winston Churchill himself founded this hall, another that houses Wills rejects, and whose residents are likely to be seen in Barbour and Jack Wills clothing all year round.

The Hugo’s and Isla’s of the world are found here, a land where the word ‘Rah’ comes into its own, and a double-barrelled surname is to be expected. A northern accent here is as rare as a monarch found in a car park.

Another wild night in Durdham…

This writer almost forgot this hall existed. A smaller, self catered hall, whose residents seem to spend all their time in their flats, it seems sweet enough.

If you like cooking, then this is your best option in Stoke Bishop, however this hall doesn’t offer much else. Durdhambury, a summer festival that pales in comparison to Glastonbury (although the weather is equally crap) is a rare highlight.