You’re The One-sie For Me!

It appears to be fashion’s greatest cardinal sin.

The Onesie: an adult-sized babygrow that encases you from head to toe in high-quality cotton if you’re lucky, fleecy polyester if you’re not.

The Onesie is the ugly offspring of the jumpsuit, which recently made a comeback on the catwalks. Think Audrey Tautou in the Chanel No. 5 advert of 2009, wistfully pouting at her love interest across the French Riviera in a black silk jumpsuit, its spaghetti straps showing a sensual glint of collarbone.

Fast forward to 2013: Zayn Malik from One Direction photographed in a lurid lime green Onesie.  No wonder it’s been named one of the ‘Worst Ideas of 2012’ by the Guardian.

But for a student, the Onesie is a miracle.  On those days when you have 3000 words to write in 12 hours and are on the brink of mental collapse – put on your Onesie.

When the gas company have cut off your heating and you have run out of jumpers to layer – put on your Onesie.

When it’s the 23^rd December and you have forgotten to buy presents for every single member of your family – buy them Onesies.

They will all shout ‘Oh, you shouldn’t have!’ and in five years time will reminisce over ‘Christmas 2013, was that the year we all wore Onesies?  We all looked ridiculous, but by Jove were we comfy!’

So embrace the Onesie to your heart’s content, but abide by one rule only: Never Go Outside.

Old people, children and much of the general population will not understand the irony.  They will merely think you have escaped from the institution.

And as one friend of mine discovered, wearing Onesies to a club – even if you’re dressed as a penguin on Halloween – is not a good idea, particularly if your Onesie does not have foot-holes and you wear it over shoes.  You WILL slip over, and you WILL stink.

Basically, enjoy your Onesie as you do sex: with loved ones, or alone, in private.  Here are three of the best:

American Apparel, Unisex Henley One-Piece (£26): High quality, breathable cotton, available in 6 different colours.  It is also possible to venture outside in this one, as the tight fit means you can throw a pair of jeans over the top.

Candy Floss, Ladies Aztec Print in Silver Grey (£15.99): Just because you’re in loungewear, doesn’t mean you should let your hipster levels slip.

New Look, Flirt Blue Fleece Owl Onesie (£29.99): Pre-empt a first in that essay by unleashing your inner wise owl.