Men’s Style: Ten Commandments (Part Two)

Nathan gives us the rest of his Style Commandments with v-necks and hoodies in the firing line.

As you might already know, I’m cleaner shaven than most Biblical scholars imagine Moses to have been.

I’m also, (just to be controversial), less likely to engage in the wholesale slaughter, enslavement and mass rape of entire communities.

Despite these personal failings, two weeks ago I embarked down the slopes of Mount Sinai to bring you the first half of my Men’s Style Ten Commandments. Drop crotch jeans, garish branding and joggers all found themselves in the firing line.

This week, I am happy to line up yet more cannon fodder. Here’s five more fashion faux pas that are enough to ruin my day (or week) if I see them on the way to my morning lectures.

6. Thou Shalt Not Wear Hoodies Under Blazers

Photo: ReimagineUP (Flickr)

What you see: Ultimate American-style preppy chic combined with a healthy dose of practicality.

What the rest of the world sees: A baffling mismatch of formal and casual elements. Or in English, you look ridiculous.

7. Thou Shalt Not Wear Band T-shirts Referencing Bands You’ve Never Heard Of

You’re wearing a Joy Division t-shirt? OMG! You’re so alternative and ironic!

Except, you actually bought it for 40 pounds in Urban Outfitters and the only Joy Division song you’ve ever heard is Blue Monday (which, for those of you who are musically uneducated, is actually by New Order).

8. Thou Shalt Not Look Like A Topman(nequin)

Covered from head to toe in Aztec print and t-shirts with slogans referencing popular culture? Take a good, hard look at yourself.

9. Thou Shalt Not Wear Obscenely Low Cut V-necks

No one wants to see your nipples. No, seriously. No one.

10. Thou Shalt Dress For Your Body Shape

Photo: Tony Harrison

Cursed with a Jeremy Clarkson-esque bot belly and thighs so bulging that they deserve a patronizingly sympathetic Channel 4 documentary?

Maybe those spray-on, acid wash skinny jeans aren’t doing you any favours…

And A Bonus 11th: Thou Shalt Not Be Deterred

I thought I’d finish off with a more sincere and hopefully encouraging thought: Don’t give up. Learn from your mistakes and find out what works for you.

Failing that, keep reading my articles.