Men’s Style: Ten Commandments (Part Two)

As you might already know, I’m cleaner shaven than most Biblical scholars imagine Moses to have been.

I’m also, (just to be controversial), less likely to engage in the wholesale slaughter, enslavement and mass rape of entire communities.

Despite these personal failings, two weeks ago I embarked down the slopes of Mount Sinai to bring you the first half of my Men’s Style Ten Commandments. Drop crotch jeans, garish branding and joggers all found themselves in the firing line.

This week, I am happy to line up yet more cannon fodder. Here’s five more fashion faux pas that are enough to ruin my day (or week) if I see them on the way to my morning lectures.

Photo: ReimagineUP (Flickr)

What you see: Ultimate American-style preppy chic combined with a healthy dose of practicality.

What the rest of the world sees: A baffling mismatch of formal and casual elements. Or in English, you look ridiculous.

You’re wearing a Joy Division t-shirt? OMG! You’re so alternative and ironic!

Except, you actually bought it for 40 pounds in Urban Outfitters and the only Joy Division song you’ve ever heard is Blue Monday (which, for those of you who are musically uneducated, is actually by New Order).

Covered from head to toe in Aztec print and t-shirts with slogans referencing popular culture? Take a good, hard look at yourself.

No one wants to see your nipples. No, seriously. No one.

Photo: Tony Harrison

Cursed with a Jeremy Clarkson-esque bot belly and thighs so bulging that they deserve a patronizingly sympathetic Channel 4 documentary?

Maybe those spray-on, acid wash skinny jeans aren’t doing you any favours…

I thought I’d finish off with a more sincere and hopefully encouraging thought: Don’t give up. Learn from your mistakes and find out what works for you.

Failing that, keep reading my articles.