Comedy Club: “High Quality Toilet Humour”

Katie loses her stand-up virginity at UBU’s fortnightly Comedy Club

Last night I lost my Comedy Club virginity.

Not entirely sure what to expect, I was fearful when I arrived at Bar 100 to find the room half-empty. Thankfully, the rain didn’t keep punters away and by 8.15 the crowds had arrived.

Matt opened the evening and acted as compere throughout the night, constantly having us all in hysterics. He went around the audience picking on people, asking them their name and what they studied, and then taking the piss out of them one way or another.

It. Was. Great.

Matt was undoubtedly the highlight of the show and you can see why he runs it.   After my fashion piece last week, I was instantly won over when he proceeded to talk about women’s fashion in Bristol: claiming how the majority of us ‘dress the wrong way around’ through wearing ‘coat like’ wet look leggings (or rather, ‘looking wet leggings’ as he described them!) and denim ‘trouser’ tops.

Later on in the night, Matt introduced a ‘joke competition’ where two members of the audience picked a celebrity and a house hold appliance, and the room had to come up with a joke linking the two. Last night’s pair were David Beckham and a whisk. The winner, rightly so, was:

‘What do David Beckham and a whisk have in common? They both make posh cream’

Another highlight was Robin, who entertained us with stories of how he snapped his banjo, when his girlfriend’s response was to use a sanitary towel as a sort of ‘make do bandage’.

He also touched on Bristol fashion, stating that he, like many, went through an ‘edgy phase’ in which he would wear a grey, cropped jumper with a tiger motif on the front. On reflection, he claims that the jumper looked ‘like the type of clothing a child would be made to wear at school if they had shat themselves’.

Robin – recovering from a snapped banjo

A few acts later came Jordan, who played on the fact that he was apparently one of life’s rejects; only moving out of his parent’s house when he was 23, after he realised that he was shaving his testicles whilst listening to Radio 3.

A series of ball and wanking jokes followed – but not the cheap, same-old toilet humour you hear so much of today. When Jordan did it; Jordan made you laugh.

A favourite quip was his description of himself as ‘trapped in a vaginal mania of self-denial; scared to grab life by the balls in case I get aroused by them’.

Other memorable acts followed, including a 90s throw-back Tweedle Dum, who described himself as ‘the type of guy you would hate to buy a second hand mattress off’, who bizarrely threw out meat prizes, such as a slice of ham, into the audience.

I may have arrived drenched and pessimistic, but I left uplifted, slightly tipsy, and a lover of stand-up. If only all first times were this enjoyable.