Freshers’ Week: 1st Year v 2nd Year
Who had the best time in Freshers’ Week?
The bad memories and hangovers of Freshers’ Week are beginning to fade. Luckily for The Tab, Jamie Jessop is here to remind us how it went and record our thoughts for posterity.
Future generations, take note.
Upon Arriving At Halls
| First Year | Second Year |
| “It looks like a prison and I’ve got a smaller room than I did at Eton/Harrow/Radley (delete as appropriate)” | (To Parents) “Hello, welcome, your daughter is going to have a great time here…” (To Self) Solid 8/10 |
Relationships
| First Year | Second Year |
| EITHER Single, pringle and ready to mingle OR In a relationship (give it three months) |
The movie Hall Pass is thoroughly unrealistic! |
Fancy Dress
| First Year | Second Year |
| Must make an effort. I think I’ll buy a tiger costume from Primark. Oh, so has everyone else. ALTERNATIVELY: I’m too edgy for this; I’ll go in a tracksuit instead of a suit. ALTERNATIVELY (AGAIN): I’m too edgy for this; let’s go to a club instead with cool second years. I hear Lounge is the place to be… |
The theme is something beginning with B? What’s easy…Boy? |
Photo: Hiatt Baker
First Night At The Hall Bar
| First Year | Second Year |
| “What’s your name, what do you study, where do you come from? Hey, I’m from North London too!” (Must get laid to lose increasingly burdening virginity) |
“Yeah. I’m a cool second year. So cool I’m on the JCR.” (Must get laid to lose that terrifyingly burdening virginity that I never lost first time round and is the only reason for me being on the JCR) |
Night Out At Walkabout
| First Year | Second Year |
| “Excuse me, are you Australian?” | “Hey, I know what’ll be funny, Excuse me…” |
Pam Pam
| First Year | Second Year |
| I literally can’t move and I’ve just hit my head on the ceiling. I also think I may have just walked into the girl’s toilets. |
Let’s spend the whole night complaining about what a crap time we’re having and then come back next week. |
Photo: Pam Pam
Bar Crawl
| First Year | Second Year |
| “IT’S RAINING. WHY IS IT ALWAYS RAINING? WHAT GENIUS DECIDED TO HAVE THE BAR CRAWL TONIGHT?” | “IT’S RAINING. WHY IS IT ALWAYS RAINING? WHAT GENIUS DECIDED TO HAVE THE BAR CRAWL TONIGHT? Oh yeah…Let’s just get a cab.” |
Vanity
| First Year | Second Year |
| This place is alright, I might come back here. | Where? |
Syndicate
| First Year | Second Year |
| I literally can’t move again and now I’ve lost everyone. It’s nice to meet new people, BUT NOT THIS MANY. “Hi, what’s your name? What halls did you say you were at again? Oh, you don’t even go to Bristol University? What the hell are you doing in my club then?” |
That person I met once from my hall is working tonight over there; they’ll let me into VIP for sure. |
Illness
| First Year | Second Year |
| Starting to feel Ill by the end of the week. I think I have Meningitis. | Ill by the third night, wondering how you ever managed this last year. |
Photo: Anita Hart
Friends
| First Year | Second Year |
| I’m on a really nice floor; everyone gets along so well. I’m so lucky! | (Oh God, that weird girl from my floor last year is walking towards me. Head down. Head down. I’m on my phone. Crap.) “Oh Hi! Nice to see you…” |
First Wee In The Sink
| First Year | Second Year |
| 1 month in | 1 night in |
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XR protestors ‘drown in fake blood’ outside Bristol University’s Wills Memorial building
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Bristol students move occupation to executive management building in pro-Palestine protest
‘We will occupy until the dog days are over’
Barrister accuses Bristol Uni of ‘unlawful discrimination’ for revoking guest speaker invite
The university thought her ‘gender critical’ opinions would cause a disturbance with her presence
What have Tristan and Cassandra been up to since leaving MAFS Australia 2024?
Ellie RingForever obsessed with them
Harrison Brocklehurst
Gypsy Rose Blanchard files restraining order against husband Ryan after ‘mistake’ marriage
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I need to see the receipts
Hayley Soen
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Fans are so confused Bethesda has now had to speak out and clarify
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Let the chart battle begin!!!
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They’ve gone completely rogue
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Love Island star Georgia Steel reveals she is ‘100 per cent’ quitting reality TV forever
‘I’m washing my hands of it’
Revealed: The real reason Richard and Andrea’s MAFS Australia marriage crumbled
‘Not letting her speak, talking over her – all of that crushed her the most’
Inside the very specific and intense application form for MAFS Australia cast members
‘Would you describe yourself as lonely? Do you have any skeletons in your closet?’
MAFS Australia groom Richard accuses Andrea of leaking their private messages to the press
‘Come on Andie, this is private stuff!’