We can tell exactly what kind of person you are just by the way you use your phone
Don’t be the monster who replies to a text with a call
If that stomach-drop we get when we can’t feel our phone in our pocket is anything to go by, they’re our lifelines. So much so, that how we use them says a lot about who we are as people.
So here are all the ways you’ll have used your phone, and what they say about you as a person:
The Hot Mess
Phone behaviour: Screen is always smashed or the entire phone is lost, has a completely non-protective, once-pretty case which is now scratched beyond recognition, sends furious text after furious text on a night out.
You are: The Hot Mess
Your phone is always shattered or missing – for one reason and one reason only – you love to get loose on a night out. You can be found crying over Aaron in the toilets, mascara spilling down your crumpled face.
Either that, or you’re at the kebab shop counter, dousing cheesy chips in questionable garlic mayo while your boyfriend desperately tries to track down your missing phone.
In any lecture you spend the whole time texting your best mate that you’re “absolutely hanging” and “would kill someone to be in bed watching Love Island with a Domino’s right now”.
The Sly Dog
Phone behaviour: On the phone constantly but never replies to messages, has every dating app under the sun, leaves all the girls on read, texts “Wyd” at 4am.
You are: The Sly Dog
You’re the type to like a three-month old post on a girl’s Insta feed, or to drive them nuts by texting out of the blue asking how they are, but never replying once they respond.
Your own Instagram is full of topless pictures of you and the lads looking absolutely stacked but borderline sunburnt in Ayia Napa, signet rings glinting in the sun.
At uni, you can be found lurking in the club with a vodka and lemonade in one hand, swiping on Tinder with the other, wearing incredibly tight ripped-knee River Island jeans.
Phone behaviour: Reads every message in the group chat and pipes up with an “omg” once a fortnight, will throw a passive like on friends’ posts but never puts themselves out there enough to leave a comment.
You are: The Lurker
You rarely contribute to the group chat, but read absolutely every message from under your cloak of silence. All of your Insta stories show you having the best time ever – you’re always out with a random group of friends – people have no idea how you know them, but they seem so fun?
Your group chat mates are a little hurt that you don’t hit them up first once in a while, but they forget about it when you see them because you’re always such good crack.
Phone behaviour: Replies to every message instantly, one of the most active members in the group chat, always organises the squad’s plans, has a pristine tempered glass screen protector and floral case.
You are: The Keeno
It’s almost as if you sit, fingers hovering over your keypad, itching to fire out a message as soon as you receive one. However, you’ve been known to wait two hours to send a risky text, or even to set an alarm to time your response to the second. You know how to play the game with the best of them.
Your room is immaculate, Cath Kidston sheets meticulously ironed, with wholesome snaps of your pals arranged on the walls. You try to look breezy, but you really, really aren’t. You’ll put up with a certain amount from your boyfriend but suddenly snap and start doing voodoo and burning sage around the house.
Phone behaviour: Always on one per cent, constantly asking if they can borrow a charger, says “sorry my phone might die” on every phone call, is in every group chat known to man, doesn’t have a case and the home button has been knocked out somewhere along the way.
You are: The Desperado
You never, ever have a fully-charged phone. You’ll leave home at five-to-nine with a measly 28 per cent, and are way too cool to consider packing a charger.
That doesn’t stop you texting everyone you know, or taking your sweet, sweet time selecting the perfect Instagram filter and caption while your battery percentage tumbles.
You’ve got millions of unchecked email notifications, and you skulk around the library trying to bum a charger off people instead of doing your work, asking yourself why you’re struggling to level out on a 2:1 as your WhatsApp pops off in your pocket.
Phone behaviour: Responds to a text with a call, only has four apps, phone is always on 100 per cent, always has the latest updates so their phone runs as quickly as possible, keeps phone in a black leather case which doubles as a wallet.
You are: The Villain
You think you’re more intelligent than your tutor and you make everyone in the seminar feel uncomfortable by arguing with them all the time. You’re a total psycho – why else would you reply to a message by belling someone up?
You’re weirdly clean, probably nocturnal, and know a lot about Bitcoin. You spend a great deal of time and money researching and purchasing gadgets and accessories for your phone – you’re definitely the type to own the latest wireless headphones that you won’t shut up about. You only eat protein bars and Huel – fresh food is not sterile enough.
You come across as far too friendly, but in a sinister way because you’re clearly not comfortable with human conversation. Your social skills are far from up to par – hence the fact that you’ll call someone for a mad awkward chat instead of just taking the hint that you only know each other well enough to text.