All the fierce, mystical girls you’ll know if your housemates double as your glam team
I love you all
Friends don’t let friends go out looking anything short of banging – would Jen Atkin and Joyce Bonelli let Khloe Kardashian go out with her hair in a pineapple and patches of dry skin on her chin? No, didn’t think so.
Before every night, our friends help us flourish from the sweaty, haggard specimen that we are in the library into a stone cold siren who can stop a man’s heart with one sweep of our perfectly-lined eyes.
Equally, our friends each have their own gift, and if we don’t big up their strengths, who will?
It takes a village to raise a child, so here’s how your best pals operate like a well-oiled machine to rival the glam team of any red carpet diva:
The Makeup Artist
This girl is legit, and everyone in the group knows it. Her skill with a kabuki brush is unrivalled and watching her apply winged eyeliner is poetry in motion.
She spends evenings curled up in her Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt watching YouTube tutorials – she knew about contouring before Kim K. She’s always fashionably late but is never flustered – she arrives exactly when she means to.
She’s an enchantress who can transform anyone from a riverbank-dwelling swamp creature to a red-carpet glamazon with just a beauty blender and a cotton bud.
She’s pretty dramatic, just like her makeup – she yells ‘DUMP HIM’ at the first sign of relationship strife, because she considers all her friends Queens who shouldn’t deal with little boy issues.
The Skin Goddess
The Skin Goddess is pure tonic in human form. She smells sensational and is squeaky clean. She’s never missed a deadline or fallen over drunk, but it’s not annoying because she’s super modest.
She starts getting ready at midday so she’ll have enough time to exfoliate, moisturise and tan – after soaking in essential oils she sits in her white, cotton robe for at least 45 minutes so her skin can ‘breathe’.
She’s got all the professional kit, from tanning mitts to body scrub, and she’ll happily walk to uni instead of getting the bus if it means she can afford a moisturiser made of Australian tree bark.
Her tan is never, ever streaky – she knows all the tricks like using dishwasher tablets to avoid orange hands, and the brands that won’t run if you spill your drink. She’s got your back, and your arms and legs too.
The Nail Technician
The Nail Technician is the queen of pragmatism – unlike the Makeup Artist she’s level-headed and calm, but isn’t afraid to tell it like it is.
She’s a perfectionist; if there’s a chip in one nail the whole set gets redone. She’s the hardest worker in your squad and smashes her course – everything she touches gets the same focus as she gives her nails, which is a lot.
After uni she’ll be snapped up by a grad scheme within seconds. Interviewers will be dazzled by her intelligence and charm – her perfect paws are just a bonus.
She’s got her own gel lamp and a million different colours of polish which she’s happy to lend. She dishes out tough love while she’s transforming your chipped talons into a manicure so perfect it would make Rihanna weep with jealousy.
The Hair Icon
The Hair Icon is a risk-taker but always pulls it off. Over the years she’s had her lid every colour under the Sun – she’s now gone for a more natural tone, although she still dabbles with a balayage.
Everyone fancies her – she’s unpredictable and enigmatic. She holds people mesmerised as she flounces past, leaving the smell of Moroccan Oil lingering in the air.
Her hair is different every day, but is always effortless and perfect. It only takes her five minutes to whip your tangled, frazzled mane into heavenly, silky locks.
Her drawers are a treasure trove of styling equipment. She’s got everything from curlers to crimpers and a dazzling array of products, but it’s her magic touch that makes any hair she handles look like it was spun by angels.
The Stylist
The stylist is well put together, but can be a little scatty – it takes her hours to get dressed and you’re used to seeing her prancing around in her underwear.
Her room is covered in clothes. She never wears same thing twice and she makes some big fashion statements, but always looks incred. She finds bargains where no-one else would look and can make the oddest accessory bang, like a weird perspex necklace or a belt made of safety pins.
She encourages you to take risks and try new things – you’d take any advice she gives you, no matter how ridiculous, because it just makes sense when she says it.
Sometimes she tries on your clothes and they look way better on her, but she’d never say it.
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The Assistant
She is the glue that holds the team together. When the Makeup Artist and the Hair Icon bicker over the mirror, the Assistant is the one who soothes their tempers.
She pops the prosecco, takes pre-night-out photos and books the taxis, all while giving sage life advice. She’s the most selfless of your gang, putting the needs of her friends before her own – which explains why she’s still applying her lipstick when the Uber arrives.
You call her the mum of the group because she wants the best for you all – she’s a cheerleader for her gals and has even been known to proof-read entire dissertations. She makes sure you get out the door looking and feeling like a 10 – she’s a best pal and hype man rolled into one.
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