What everyone actually thinks about your uni’s nights out
We’re all embarrassing
As if we’d ever admit otherwise, we’re all adamant that our uni’s famed nightlife is far superior to any other. But what if we’re wrong?
We asked students up and down the country what they thought of other unis’ nights out. Brace yourself, you might get taken down a peg or two.
Aberdeen
“Students from Aberdeen have a chip on their shoulder because they’re never considered in the rivalry for best Scottish uni. There’s something strangely aggressive about how Aberdeen students have fun – the clubs are always grimy and full of rugby boys trying to get as smashed as possible on tropical VKs.” – Josh, Warwick
Aberystwyth
“There’s only three nightclubs in the entire city, but there’s nights happening every day of the week, which makes for a sickening rotation of sub-par clubbing. This is also fuelled by the millions of pubs that Aberystwyth students spend their lives day-drinking in, which ultimately leads to the sloppiest of nights; Aberystwyth to a T.” – Rob, Northumbria
Bath
“All the clubs are underground to protect the city’s quaintness from being ruined by ‘rowdy’ students. Unfortunately, Bath nights out are exactly like their students – vanilla.” – Ade, King’s
Belfast
“The loosest of all the unis, everyone is constantly lit on Buckfast. Big rooms with big crowds all having big nights – the clubs aren’t actually that good, but it doesn’t matter because Belfast students just love to get on it.” – Flora, Cambridge
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Birmingham
“Everyone is really, really nice – but fairly tame. They might get a bit drunk around midnight on their BNO at Revs, but head home at a reasonable time to make sure they’re feeling fresh for lectures the next day. Like the accent, you don’t hate a Birmingham night out, but you could do without it.” – Holly, Swansea
Bristol
“Bristol nights out are so edgy – if you’re not wearing a sports brand, a bikini top or glitter all over your face, you’ll probably be cast out and banished from the South West. Everyone exclusively drinks Red Stripe whilst bobbing around to repetitive house music and taking themselves quite seriously, actually.” – Louis, Manchester
Brookes
“Everyone is fit but pretty simple, so Brookes’ nights out consist mainly of toilet selfies, charts music and a lot of laughing at jokes that no one really understands but doesn’t want to admit.” – Tom, Nottingham
Cambridge
“Clubbing in Cambridge probably means two pints of local ale in an old pub and deliberating whether Nietzsche or Wittgenstein is the greatest philosopher of our time.” – Louise, Southampton
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Cardiff
“Cardiff is full of thick-skinned clubbers who will put up with the terrible Welsh weather, all in the name of the sesh. Torrential rain will not stop Cardiff students from having two VKs in each hand, getting loose to trashy pop music and finishing the night with chips, cheese and gravy.” – Nick, Durham
Dundee
“Dundee seems pretty emo – all the clubs probably finish with My Chemical Romance’s The Black Parade. Claire’s Accessories does a roaring trade in neon fishnet arm-warmers and no one smiles when they’re out drinking Monster and vodka.” – Kerry, Aberystwyth
Durham
“The Oxbridge rejects of the North, Durham students sometimes try and be edgy and might dip their toe into Newcastle nightlife, but they’ll always come scampering back, disgusted, to their college balls and safe chats about the delicious port they’ve got a case of back at Cuth’s.” – Lucy, Cardiff
Edinburgh
“Edinburgh students like to think they’re pretty rah, but in reality the clubs there are absolute dumps. They’re full of Southern students pretending they’re embracing the authentic, edgy roots of Scotland, but in reality they’re just avoiding the fact that’s staring them in the face – Edinburgh’s nightlife is abysmal.” – Emily, Newcastle
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Exeter
“Everyone is really fit and all the girls are blonde with sparkling white teeth. There’s a lot of whooping and crop tops and it’s pretty damn posh – sounds decent right? Wrong. Because all the clubs in Exeter are like the terrible hometown ones you thought you left behind, except with magnums on the tables and rowdy sports teams on their socials – tragic.” – Natalie, Manchester
Falmouth
“Do they even have a pub?” – Chris, Bristol
Glasgow
“Anyone from Glasgow is an absolute drinking machine – they could drink any Southerner under the table in a heartbeat and still be able to keep a battered Mars Bar down at the end of the night.” – Sarah, York
Hull
“Girls never wear coats, even in the freezing gales of a West Yorkshire winter and the boys are all heavily tattooed. Any night out here is guaranteed to be depressing due to the dinginess of its clubs and the sordid antics of their occupants. Any visitor can be found sat sadly in a corner, wondering what the point of living is.” – Keira, Sheffield
Kent
“Everyone is very placid and is too scared to go out anywhere that isn’t the SU. Every single night is finished with a disgusting chicken burger served out of a hatch, but poor old Kent students think this is the height of sophistication. They just don’t know any better.” – Jess, Birmingham
King’s
“King’s students were so excited about going to uni in London until they realised that every night out is going to cost them as much as a whole term up north. Still, they’ll insist it’s fun and edgy and that they’re soooo cosmopolitan – did you know Drake turned up at XOYO once?” – Kate, Manchester
Lancaster
“Lancaster is filled with very young, easily impressionable students who had never been drunk before they left home for uni. They all love Ring of Fire before a night out at a cheesy charts club, and everyone rates Topman and Smirnoff Ice.” – Tilly, Newcastle
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Leeds
“So edgy you’ll cut yourself, everyone smokes rollies and swigs Red Stripe outside pres that last until 2am, then heads to Beaver Works to get mad. The masses shuffle about to deep house, which is so loud earplugs are handed out on entry. All the girls have tight space buns and the boys wear wavy shirts and busted up trainers.” – Gemma, King’s
Leicester
“Full of basics, clubs in Leicester play Dancing Queen by Abba and everyone loves it.” – Josh, Birmingham
Lincoln
“‘A night out in Lincoln’ can also be read as ‘a pint and cheeseboard’. Go here if you hate fun but love pub quizzes.” – Max, Glasgow
Liverpool
“Every person on a night out in Liverpool is perfectly tanned, manicured and coiffed (including the boys) and there’s never an eyebrow hair out of place. Heels are a must but there’s a lot of being sick in the street and screaming. Oh, and Concert Square is shocking, you all know it, just admit it.” – Rachel, Leeds
Loughborough
“Every night is a sports night, with lots of chanting and press up challenges squeezed into their beloved SU. All the boys wear beaters and there are no girls there. It’s very loud, very boisterous and very lame.” – Sophie, Sussex
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Manchester
“All Manchester students think they’re sooooo edgy, but in reality they look tired from forcing themselves to stay out until sunrise. They emerge from massive nights or overcrowded house parties with “sick DJs playing amazing sets”. Did they even enjoy the monotonous thud of techno, house or that weird alternative electronic sound making waves in Slovakia? Of course bro, as much as they think they actually look good in that bucket hat.” – Fiona, Leeds
Newcastle
“The Toon looks like a total mess, especially if Geordie Shore is anything to go by. It’s no surprise everyone at uni in the North East is all over the place when you can go out with a fiver, drink one hundred trebles and come back smashed, albeit with change for a kebab at the end of the night.” – James, Oxford
Northumbria
“As its unknown but surprisingly lary cousin, nights out with Northumbria students are like Newcastle’s but with fewer limits. Just imagine the carnage. Imagine it.” – Ellie, UCL
Nottingham
“Everyone is pretty bland and the only night anyone goes to is Ocean – they bang on about that weird Baywatch shirt swinging thing they think they invented, as if anyone cares.” – Jamie, Durham
Oxford
“Oxford students desperately want to get wavy on a night out, but they have a very hard time relaxing – perhaps it’s the fact they’re all wearing ties, or because they can’t quite manage to neck the scotch they’re all drinking. You’ll observe groups of students standing awkwardly in small clubs, trying really hard but failing to have a good time.” – Ed, Kings
Plymouth
“You’ll find some absolute sorts in Plymouth, especially given that it used to be a poly. Drinks are cheap and plentiful – kind of worrying because it’s down south – and you can probably trick yourself into thinking it’s a pretty decent night out if you lower your standards for a few hours.” – Martha, Aberdeen
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Portsmouth
“If you want to go out somewhere where caution is thrown to the wind in terms of health and safety and where the clubs are hotter than the surface of the sun, go to Portsmouth.” – Alex, Liverpool
Queen Mary
“All the students are bitter that their ‘London’ uni is actually located in Mile End, meaning they have to travel far and wide to find a decent club. As a result, a night out with Queen Mary students involves a lot of forced fun and a needlessly expensive Uber home.”- Priya, Edinburgh
Reading
“For some reason the idea of a night out in Reading fills any non-Reading student with horror. Why does the mere thought of clubbing in Reading conjure images of people with missing teeth and too much hair gel?” – Kenny, Southampton
Royal Holloway
“Egham isn’t London but Royal Holloway claims to be a London uni, a fact which speaks volumes about the nightlife there. Students are faced with the choice between a treacherous journey to the city or a tragic hometown club-esque night in Surrey. Definitely a lose-lose, which explains why Royal Holloway students are so miserable.” – Sienna, Loughborough
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Sheffield
“Sheffield always said that when it grows up, it wants to be just like Leeds. Instead of edgy, it’s a bit grotty and seems like it’s ten years behind most other unis. Pipe down and go back to the kids’ table, the adults are talking.” – Russell, Birmingham
Southampton
“Everything is a bit sad and dated – students here force themselves to have fun in the home of the country’s worst club. It’s all very middle-of-the-road – the club carpets are sticky and the drinks are neon and sugary. Everyone calls the bouncers by name and the bouncers hate everyone. Drunk food of choice? Pizza Hut.” – Luke, Newcastle
St Andrews
“Very, very posh with lots of balls and fashion shows full of fit people. Everyone buys champagne with Daddy’s money and gabs about golf. They all wear gowns, tail coats and laugh like “hoh hoh hoh hoh”. Someone is always playing a violin in a corner while everyone talks about their parents’ family farm and the newest Barbour range.” – Kamir, Bristol
Sussex
“In Sussex, edgy students are forced into cheesy nightlife. Although there are some wavier nights like Patterns, Sussex is the place to see students in bucket hats bopping to Beyonce and smoking rollies outside.” – Chris, Loughborough
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Swansea
“Everyone is very, very Welsh and the drinks are very cheap. You do the maths.” – Jasper, UEA
Trent
“It’s a weird blend of Wednesdays at Ocean and house music. Everyone at Trent is trying to relive their freshers’ glory by dressing up constantly and drinking too many VKs and Jaegerbombs. They still haven’t clocked that chanting “T-R-E-N-T we are the Trent Army” is really sad.” – Henry, Birmingham
UCL
“Everyone slyly loves a club table complete with Grey Goose and would secretly rather go to Mahiki than Fabric, but it stopped being ‘cool’ when it was featured on Made in Chelsea.” – Niall, Belfast
UEA
“No one has any clue where UEA is but it seems like the kind of place all the students still get drunk in local parks and/or woodland areas on cheap, two litre bottles of cider.” – Vanessa, Hull
Warwick
“Warwick nightlife is totally dead. The quiet isn’t peaceful – it’s creepy, haunted by the ghosts of the fun that students wish they were having. Everyone traipses to the same old clubs week in, week out and has an average-to-poor time, guaranteed.” – Steph, Leeds
York
“York students consider themselves to be the intelligentsia of the North West. Everyone studies History of Art and takes themselves very seriously. The minimal nightlife in this Medieval town consists of faux-hipsters with horn-rimmed specs nodding to deep house which they secretly hate and periodically popping out for a cigarello.” – Conor, Sheffield
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