How to decorate your room to fit your Cardiff stereotype
Every aspect of human personality is covered in this guide
Unless you’re training for the 2020 Olympics or really into all nighters at the library, you probably spend the majority of your time in your bedroom.
It’s worth investing some time and effort into making it look like more than four bare walls of solitary confinement, if not for you then for your rare but special guests.
Here’s our guide to decorating your bedroom to reflect the very nuance of your existence – your stereotype.
The Surrey Girl
You’ve moved on from the safety of Taly Gate and into the big wide world of second year accommodation, where you’re almost definitely living with other Surrey girls. You will of course be a regular at Rev’s and your nights out will be expertly archived through a series of flattering Insta filters taken on your iPhone 7. You’ll spend the next day moaning about your awful hangover as you snuggle up on the sofa in your extra fluffy blanket, but it never lasts long because your Ocado order arrives and brings you your recovery combo of avo and rye bread.
Your room should be filled with all things pastel, from your fluffy blue rug to your dusty pink Reeboks – your aesthetic is undeniably saccharine. Even your yoga mat should match the colour scheme and is key to letting everyone know just how flexible your body is, although you haven’t actually been in months.
A Parisian poster adds just the right amount of wunderlust to the room, suggesting that you love to travel but you’d never go anywhere without public WiFi access. Pair this with your weekly reading of cultural bible Look magazine and your cute patterned notepad and you’re just about prepared to do a degree.
To avoid homesickness invest in a reed diffuser, preferably from John Lewis, to bring the scent of Surrey to your flat. To add to the comfort everything should always be bathed in the soft glow of fairy lights, whether they’re strung across your shelves to make your folders look extra pretty or around your bed as a kind of landing strip for post Glam suitors.
Your room should be as dramatic as your life, and reflect its many nuances and excitements for all to enjoy. You’re not just a one-dimensional individual, you’re a master of all the arts, and their influences on your life should be evident in every aspect of your aesthetic.
Theatre, art and music – the holy trio to which you have so much gratitude for making you the oh-so extremely interesting person you are. Sure, your staging of Angels in American was inspired, but would it have been half the interpretation it was without the influence of Bacon’s haunting Triptych August 1972?
Treat your bedroom as the ultimate set design in the play of your life.
Literary and artistic posters grace your walls, novels cover every surface, a themed mug sits atop your desk. There’s basically nothing in your room that doesn’t link in one way or another to the fact you’re a lover of the arts.
Eclectic pieces from past plays should be dotted around in a carefree but “that’s actually got an excellent story behind it” manner. Whether it’s a leather suitcase from your WW2 drama or a the 80s denim jacket you wore as your starring role in the modern remake of Othello, make sure it’s on display.
Even your lighting should be artistic, framing your room for your soliloquies with a cubist or pointilist edge depending on the subject matter.
Obviously your extensive literature collection should be a major focus, because you don’t confine yourself to just reading plays. Arrange your books vertically rather than horizontally so that they take up more space and it looks like you own even more than you do. Don’t forget to have a wide range of notebooks to jot down any sudden inspirations you might have for new scripts.
The Rugby Lad
Most of the week you’re a dedicated team player, stoically attending training, dutifully downing your protein shake and forcing more carbs into your body than have ever been featured on Man v. Food. But once a week come the sports socials – your chance to get loose with your mates, put on your team tie and head to Pryzm for some good old fashioned sharking.
Dark navy sheets are the way to go to hide the stains of a multiple of sins and cut washing frequency in half. They also go great with the red cups that should be on every surface in preparation for the next hardcore lash sesh. You’re not one for wastage, so you should put the endless cups to good use and have some double as a pen holder.
A massive tub of protein is of course compulsory to show everyone just how bulked you are, in case your regular gym stories weren’t proof enough.
Posters will let you express the many facets of your personality, from your skill at beer pong to your appreciation of an attractive woman who can play sport flashing a cheek. By showing the intellectual side of you they’ll make you almost irresistible, so you should always have a selection of condoms at hand.
A half-eaten Five Guys isn’t a permanent fixture, but it will add a sense of homeliness to the room and a delicious scent to mask any hungover horrors. It’ll also save you a trip out the Tesco in the morning where you might bump in to some unwelcome faces from last night.
The Revs Promoter
Your life is a corrupted cycle of Fatboy Slim lyrics: eat, sleep, post about new night on Facebook, rave, repeat. It’s impossible not to feel like the coolest kid on campus when you can’t even get to a lecture without bumping into at least five people you know and every night out is documented by the loyal photographer that follows you around. But you sometimes feel a little empty and occasionally dream about being anonymous, or at least able to enjoy a pre-drinks without having to leave halfway through for deliveries.
You’ll need plenty of furniture for all the mates coming round for pre-night lashes, so invest in a beanbag – it’s easily moveable and can fit two people at a push. Throw an edgy tapestry over the window to show off your style, preferably one you got while travelling. It will give the room a psychedelic colour scheme and block out the light on those painful hungover mornings.
Obviously you should always have a selection of drinks on show to remind everyone how much you love a night out and spread the joy when you’re hosting pre’s. They won’t be quite as good as Revs’ eclectic range of flavoured vodka shots – the Ice Cream ones are really something special – but they’ll certainly get you in the mood.
The posters should also show off your love of the club, either boasting your skill at drinking games or your appreciation of great music that hasn’t been in the charts for at least ten years. Any remaining wall space should be covered with flyers and posters for the nights you rep.
The Wannabe Bristol
Bless you, you didn’t get into Bristol and now you’re stuck in Cardiff.
You’ve convinced yourself you’re close enough to Brizzy that you’ll barely notice. You’ll be there all the time checking out the latest gigs and going out to Tup Tup. You’ve even saved a bunch of photos from your last Bristol trip to Instagram over the course of the next few weeks, rationing yourself to no more than two a week to prolong the buzz.
Of course you’ll rarely leave the Cardiff bubble long enough to even glimpse Bristol, so your bedroom needs to have enough of a vibe that for those first few seconds when you wake up you can really believe you’re there.
Glitter should of course be a focal point of your bedroom, always on hand to throw over your face before a night out in Buffalo. The myriad of glitter colours can be reflected throughout your room by the many multicoloured throws adorning every spare surface.
Your Diana Mini film camera will be the perfect companion for your trips to Bristol and assure you get likes for days. It’ll also distort Cardiff enough you can tell yourself it’s a lot more beautiful than it is, and really quite edgy actually.
If you’re ever feeling down about your poor life choices, stick a world map on your wall to constantly remind yourself that there are other places in the world than Cardiff and one day, if you’re really really lucky, you might be able to visit them.