Every type of group chat you’ll ever join

There’s no escaping them

| UPDATED chat every giffgaff group of type

“I’ll add you to the WhatsApp group”, the repetitive saying that follows you through uni. Ridiculous chat names, continuous notifications and hours spent staring at the little blue ticks, contemplating why no one is replying to you.

Here is the definitive list of every group chat you’ll ever be added into:

Housemates

Seriously what’s the point in this thread? Living under one roof should mean there’s never any need for this chat. After all, you can just pop upstairs if you need to check when people are heading out for pres or if you can borrow some bread. The “Roomies” thread will instead be home to all the things nobody wants to say in person, passive aggressive messages about the bin that needs taking out. You can put “babe” at the end of each sentence to try and make it sound less aggy, but we know what you’re doing really.

Besties

Your most active chat with constant updates on your bezzies and their latest. This chat is your number one priority. Obviously the chat would never be called besties – it would be called “Top Huns 2k14.”

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Friends from your course

Considering you spend the majority of the day with these guys, a group chat is essential. “Math’s girls” has got to be one of the most tedious chats ever and messages include “how did you answer?” and “you guys coming to the lecture?” WhatsApp is supposed to be fun.

Acquaintances from your course

A group oozing desperation – made on the first week of lectures in your introductory tutorials. No you did not do the seminar reading and of course you’re not going to your 9am. You can only hope they get the message soon.

Family

Essentially a group inquest into your nutritional intake. Although worth it, since you can never get too many pictures of the family labrador. Every message from mum will be all caps, every picture from dad will be an accidental pocket snap, and each notification will make you curse the day you introduced your parents to Whatsapp.

No contracts, no shops, no call centres – no fuss. Keep in touch with your mates and order a giffgaff SIM today. 

Friends from home

Miss you guys so much…

6 a side football

Can anyone’s mate play in goal tonight? We’ve got huge games against Inter Your Nan and Tekkerslovakia and need a win to go above Tea N’ Busquets. Someone remember to bring a football…

Netball

10% netball, 90% who looked fat in their leggings. Extra time for the girl in the B-team whose thong you could see.

Gym

See you at half 6 yeah? Actually can we make it 7, I’m not in uni till 10? Yeah cool man, I’m going to the pub now anyway, dw slimline tonics all round :p. Haha yeah 2 tru 2 tru. Oi mate gonna sack off gym, I’m out tonite and I fancy this girl who’s here. Yeah no worriez we’ve got training neway. So did you get with her? Nah just came home and watched Netflix. Narcos looks sick doe.

Birthday present

Two people dominate this chat. They’re cut from the same cloth, the same busybodies who tell you to give them £1 for petrol money just for a lift to the big Tesco. At least half the group remain quiet, answering only when they need to, agreeing to the option put forward by the bitchiest girl in the group. They don’t want to be ostracised, but more importantly they don’t want an awful gift when their 21st rolls around. 

Big night out

Can’t wait for Friday guys, gonna be MASSIVE. What’s everyone wearing?

Big night out (made two months early)

Can’t wait for Halloween in Leeds guys, but until then let’s scrutinise every detail of our trip and make awkward small talk because Mike made this chat six weeks too early. We’ll also probably miss the earlybird release for a tenner. 

Holiday 2k16

Remember Zante guys? We’re going to do it BIGGER AND BETTER. Napa won’t know what hit it. But guess what? It definitely will. Cue posts on all the big bangers you got gassed on that summer. 

Filth

If your mum saw what you post in here she would cry with shame. Where do you find this stuff? I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in most of the Southern States in the US. The only reason Special Branch haven’t arrested you yet is because your messages are encrypted.

Last night’s debrief

Long story short. You smashed too many VKs and and ended up going back Dan’s…again.

Bills and rent

Matt please can you transfer me £3.17 so we’re all square after the internet’s gone out. I’ve taken into account the pint you bought me three weeks ago so we’ll be evens. Please do it before 5pm. Thanks in advance xxx

Glasto ticket buying

Why didn’t you just make a Google Doc you idiot? Even Facebook would have been easier. Now you just have a group that’s quiet for nearly all year and unbearably shrill for a few days in October. If you miss out on tickets, remove yourself before June or you’ll be green with envy when people are drunkenly messaging the thread at 2am to find out where in Shangri-La everyone is.

Bitching

Every single person in your friendship circle is a member of “Hmph”, apart from Jenny. Jenny slept with Alice’s boyfriend. Alice made a group chat. No one likes Jenny anymore.

Pints

Pints? Pints.

Make sure you’re always on top of the happenings in your group chat, order your free pay as you go SIM today with giffgaff