Here are the most Tory foods you can buy at Aldi

If you own a North Face Nuptse, you should add these foods to your shopping list

Maybe your middle-class, Barbour wearing Mum is coming to visit. Maybe you’re sick and tired of pesto pasta, or maybe you’re just a big fat Bojo loving Tory – if so, this list is for you!

We all know and love Aldi, and although it can never come close to M&S and Waitrose, we’ve searched high and low to compile a list of the most Tory foods currently in store:

10. Avocados

To kick it off we have every Fiat 500 girl’s favourite fruit (or is it a vegetable?!). Smash this on toast, add some feta if you want to up the toriness, and you have yourself a breakfast that any History of Art student would Instagram.

9. Brie

Coming in at number nine is every Surrey girl’s favourite wine night essential. I’ve even heard Aldi have a lovely collection of chutneys – if you want to push the boat out for your girls’ night.

8. Almond milk

Let’s be honest here. If you’re drinking any milk which hasn’t been squeezed out of a cow – you’re either lactose intolerant (wetty) or as Tory as Muirhead Tower’s Starbucks. Bonus Tory points if you’re purchasing this to make a latte on your Nespresso machine.

7. Sirloin steak

Not quite a Gaucho steak but good enough for a Ralphy wearing economics boy whilst explaining that Boris is “actually is an alright chap”.

6. Olive and antipasti collection

If your idea of a perfect Friday night is an evening of back to back Downton Abbey episodes, then this is the snack for you.

5. Lentil Curls

At number five we have these vegan delights which frankly take all the fun out of a packet of crisps. You’ll find a true Tory eating these out of a bowl, with a San Pellegrino on the side.

4. Falafels

Meatballs, but make them pretentious. Serve with houmous for a meal that tastes almost as good as something mummy would prepare on the Aga.

3. Infused smoked salmon

This one doesn’t need explaining.

2. Chia seeds

Who knows what these are, all I know is they’re a vital component for a Buddha bowl, and if your uni student breakfast is anything other than beans on toast, go back to your ponies you Tory.

1. Sourdough crumpets

Taking a rightful first place are these – the Durham University of the baked goods section.

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