UoB’s strangest: an investigation into the weirdest things on Brumfess to date

Ah, Brumfess. The infamous Facebook haven where Birmingham's finest share their woes about pesky flatmates who haven't got to grips with the concept of washing up, hopeless romantics (who haven't quite discovered Old Joemance yet) proclaim various unrequited loves, and a whole host of entertaining and embarrassing stories come to light.

If you're lucky enough to be a Facebook-appointed Top Fan (well done you legend) then you'll probably be familiar with just how bizarre some of these are. We set out to find the cream of the crop, the weirdest of UoB's weird. And there are no disappointments here.

The Biologist

Has this poor girl been inundated with requests for milk? Have others? How many males actually think milk can be produced on demand? So. Many. Questions. Primary school Biology lessons clearly need to be reviewed asap.

The Vet in training

UoB’s resident Guinea Pig enthusiast has failed to inform us of why we must all go look at a shaved guinea pig with such urgency, but I did oblige, and I was not let down. Highly recommend.

The person who isn't afraid to judge

Dear Brumfess18844, I feel personally attacked. Yours sincerely, literally everyone xoxo

The Resourceful One

No, is the short answer. Most of us tend to use toothpaste, and save the pesto for our daily (or – ahem – more often than that) bowl of pasta. But you do you, Brumfess 2316.

The True Trouper

No challenge is stopping this living legend, and they're making sure everyone knows it. Hope your internal organs are okay pal.

The Bitter One

Gotta be a vegan who targeted the milk. Aggrieved flatmate's dedication to protecting the snacks is very admirable.

The person who's just too attractive

It's a tough, tough life for Brumfess10070. My heart really goes out to them.

The Invigilator who picks their moments

And you though your exam was bad…

The Passionate Movie Fan

Gosh. This one escalated very quickly. Who knew this could be such an emotive subject. All you comedians out there better be very careful answering this question this Christmas.

The GCSE English Connoisseur

I must admit, I left poor old Curley's Wife and the foreboding meaning of her red attire in Year 11, but clearly the issue still plagues some. All the sad reacts for Lennie and his rabbits over here.

The Tier Revolutionist

My head actually hurts from reading this. Can't we keep the tiers as they are please. Too much confusion.

The Grinch

Only on Brumfess is Jesus deemed personality-less on his birthday. Poor guy can't catch a break.

The One with more Personality than the Colour Beige (or so they claim)

Woah. The writer of this Brumfess (/essay) is ANGRY. Children and 'bland dickheads' watch out, The Brumfess Ranter is coming. Perhaps take a chill pill asap sweetie, those posts were briefly funny. Sort of.

Conclusion

UoB, you're weird as fuck.