UoB’s Hottest Single: It’s the FINAL

Hello and welcome back to the event you’ve all been waiting for. Not the Guild Awards or elections or even Theresa May’s final Brexit vote. It’s the grand final of UoB’s Hottest Single.

You think your self esteem has taken a beating, think about us having to message hundreds of the uni’s fittest students just to congratulate them on being fit only to find out that they’re also bloody hilarious and that you simply can’t hate them.

Whatever happens tonight, these three have seriously improved Tinder bios and incredible new bragging rights.

So, here are your finalists, chosen by you, loyal and bribed housemates, and in-awe fellow students.

Anna, 21, third year English Literature

Storming the second heat with a quite frankly ridiculous 24 per cent of the vote, unlucky in love Anna is thrilled to be in the grand final. In the film of her life, Anna would have Alicia Silverstone play her, because she’s “clueless” (even if you don’t want to date her you deffo want to be besties and watch chick flicks together). Her celeb crushes are Channing Tatum and Michael B Jordan, and when asked to describe herself in three words, Anna chose “A bloody shambles”. A woman of the people.

Ella, 23, fourth year, Law

Ella smashed her heat and wrote a poem for all those people who voted for her:

“Roses are red,

Thanks to my fans,

Because of you all,

I might find my man”.

This poetic beauty said she couldn’t live without Dixy’s hash brown burgers and cheesy chips. Ella can sum herself up in a sentence: “I’m loyal, I’m real and I’m me”. We think you have a real shot of winning this babes.

Samuel, 22, fifth year, Medicine

Samuel is staying strong in the competition but he wants to remind his fans that he absolutely could have done it without you, due to his dedication to self-voting. Samuel claims he would have Batman play him in the movie of his life…maybe you could be his Robin. His celebrity crush is Velma “cartoon or film” – he’s not picky. One thing Samuel can’t live without is a battered warm Carling can… he’s a keeper, ladies. When asked to describe himself in three words he said “absolute maximum clout.” As the only male candidate representing the boys at UoB, give him a chance.

So get voting, may the hottest student win.