We went to a fetish workshop and realised how vanilla we are

More immersive than 3D Fifty Shades


What do you think of when you think fetish and kink? Those 99p erotica novels on Kindle? That time you were exposed in Never Have I Ever? Or one of Rihanna’s greatest hits: S&M? We thought it was all whips and chains (excite meeee), but it’s so much more than that.

Fetish can be sexual or non sexual

One of the most common misconceptions about kink is assuming the sexual nature of it. Plenty of kink doesn’t involve sexual pleasure, and there’s even a community purely based around non-sexual kinks. Whilst at the workshop, we saw someone tied up experiencing pleasure through pain, without any sexual connotation.

It can be limited to the bedroom or a 24/7 lifestyle

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the essentials

A lot of people engage in kink in their daily life and routine. Ultimately, kink is about finding your headspace, a euphoric state of mind which is almost drug-like, where players completely immerse themselves within the role they are playing. For some people, this isn’t just for the bedroom, instead using it as an escapism from everyday life, for example through pet play and age play.

Kink has a whole different language

Kink is a lot less spontaneous than commonly believed, with an entire langauge and set of phrases and initialisations to fully understand the world of kink. For example, a scene is a period of time in which fetish actions or BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) or fetish actions appear. They also use specific terms when negotiating a scene, to ensure both individuals are comfortable with and aware of what is going on.

You’re doing budget kink wrong

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Our editor Anna fascinated by bondage tape

You may have indulged in a BDSM kit from the LoveHoney Black Friday sale, but it turns out that you’re best off in Wilko. Cable ties, cling film, and rope are much better than those £8 fluffy handcuffs from Ann Summers.

Gentle rough play is called ‘struggle snuggle’

In the world of kink, slang is everywhere. Not only is cuddly rough play called a struggle snuggle, but slang is also used to distinguish between different types of pain. ‘Thuddy pain’ is a deeper type of pain that bruises the muscle, whereas ‘stingy pain’ is only skin deep.

Choking isn’t advised

Choking is a risky and dangerous activity and can be fatal when not done properly. The Fetish Society don’t condone breath play, but they did give us some tips on how to experience light-headedness in the safest way possible, i.e. do not risk crushing the windpipe. Reducing blood flow can be achieved by putting pressure on the arteries, but is not advised either.

Kink social media is a thing

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Fab n Fetish?

There’s an entire social media community dedicated to kink, with advice and a safe space at your electronic fingertips. Called ‘FetLife’, the anonymous website aims to offer enough advice and knowledge to allow you to experience kink in the safest and most enjoyable way. They also provide kink events in your local area.

So there you have it, your beginners’ guide to kink. If curious, you should make sure you research using the resources shown before engaging in any fetish activities! The Fetish Society was the most warm and welcoming environment, and you can find their Facebook page and more information here.