10 signs you’re a tragic mess
Now I’m not talking physical mess, I’m talking TRAGIC mess
So throughout first year you were having some fun, getting with a few people, locking yourself out the house, the harmless stuff. But then it got bad. I mean like real bad. Getting high with your unknown neighbours bad. If this sounds familiar, here's the 10 signs you're that tragic mess!
1. Waking EVERYONE up
So you've been on a night out, and somehow can't seem to control your vocal cords. The silence is too much for you and noise must be made. The front door has to be slammed, with attitude of course, because you're a bitch who doesn't give a fk. But really the next morning you slowly crawl out of bed to find your housemates giving you the silent treatment cause you woke them all up at 3:30 in the morning. They hate your guts.
2. Chundering all round your room
I mean you're really not that tragic mess of a student if you don't have sick stains all over your carpet from where you chunned the night before. I mean, the worst is when you get out of bed and accidentally step in it because you don't even remember that you stuck your head over the edge of your bed last night to chun all over the place. Classy.
3. You've 10/10 invited a randomer back from Tinder
For some reason you thought it would be funny to sit and flirt with a randomer online for the whole of pres (cus it was boring af) and by the end of the night your pull game has been unsuccesful and you think you just want a shag. But guarenteed, by the time you actually get home you're waaaay to drunk to have sex and one of your hero housemates is going to have to kick them out and put you safelty to bed. God, you're such hassle.
4. Having an on/off thing with someone for MONTHS
Everyone you know has heard about your love life dramas and there is deffo someone who you cannot speak to on a night out (tragic). But I can assure you that your pals are 100% fed up of hearing about how you're not sure if you have feelings whilst being fked over at least once a week by the same person that I guarentee will have made you cry. If this is you, you're a mess babe.
5. Poor poor poor attendance
Lets face it, if you haven't been to a lecture or seminar in 2 and a half weeks, then you are a MESS my friend. But you haven't reached top mess status until you tuern up to a seminar at the wrong time in WEEK 9. Tragic mate.
Crying to your housemate about how life is waaay too much on a regular basis is a sure sign you could be a mess. Now I'm not talking essay deadlines and bad marks kind of breakdown. Im talking a tragic breakdown level, crying because: your room is a mess, you burnt your toast, you put too much milk in your tea or that you don't have enough money to get two for tuesdays 🙁
7. Texting your ex('s)
You know when life has reached an all time tragic low when you're using your friends hotspot to text your ex. Or even worse, texting off your friends phone. Only for a cheeky bit of action obvi, I mean you're a mess, you don't have feelings. Sure, we all get drunk and wanna text those people we used to go to; but come on babe, you don't want to look that desperate now, do you?
8. Compensating your alcohol intakings by having a 2 day fad diet
As as 'mess' you're likely to have a damaged liver and have put on at least 2 stone since starting uni. Alcohol = calories. So lemon water for 2 days to compensate for the 20 VKs, Jagerbombs, cheesy chips and chicken you consumed the night before seems to be the way forward. But lets be honest, it's a one day fad diet because you're going to go out again the next night, can't say no to the sesh.
Ok, so at this point you think you could be classed as a mess. However, I can assure you that you're only a mediocre mess unless you've dropped out of uni and had to come back a year later because you've messed up life so much.
10. Spending more of your life reading Tab articles like this instead of concentrating on your degree
If you've made it this far. Congratulations, you're a mess. You've won a uni life time supply of hatred from your housemates as you've been super annoying all year. However, right now you should be concentrating on your lectures, doing your essay, reading some educational stuff. Spending more time reading these articles means you're a typical student mess and you should be proud. It takes a lot of ups and downs to get to this place and we, at the Tab, are proud of all you messes. Keep living your best lives.