What you actually learn when writing an essay

God bless Ctrl-F

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It’s a well known fact that essays are like the devil. The hours of vigorous reading combined with the short time to churn out the essay means you become a qualified know-it-all. But what do we actually get out of writing an essay?

U.S. States

Most books you will be referencing are from across the pond. For some reason, the U.S of A print their books in weird American cities, and writing New York, or Boston is not enough. You need to know the State. Even then you have to google the State initials. Even though this will take about 30 seconds, you begin to learn the states of by heart, making a little glorious connection with our overseas brothers and sisters – you still hate Trump though.

How many I’s in Illinois?

There, their and they’re

Just f*ck off, seriously f*ck off. In fairness your grammar should be top notch by now, but everyone slips up now and then – there, their and they’re are usually the main culprits. Don’t worry though, after constant complaints from parents, tutors and that one annoying friend who thinks he’s a walking grammar book, you’ll get the hang of it. You are forced to learn which one is which, regardless. For those who are still struggling (including me) Wiki How will save you. Don’t even get me started on apostrophes…

Ctrl-F is a life saver

You need to reference the most specific topic, and Ctrl-F is the perfect tool when using E-books, articles and journals. Instead of trudging through hundreds of pages to find one word, Ctrl-F will be your hero. You will start to learn Ctrl-F should be referenced in your essay, under the title ‘Life Saver’.

Spotify is God

You’ll have a ‘chill’ playlist to try and calm writing essay nerves. My personal favourite  ‘Music For Concentration’ or ‘#MondayMotivation’.

Only for the good vibes

You have low expectations

“I am aiming for at least a 2:1”, a common phrase when it comes to essay time. Come on now believe in yourself, someone has to get a first.

University does involve work

The £9,000 is put to use. You complain that you are not being challenged, but you may be changing your mind when you have a week to complete a 3,000 word essay and you can’t even remember your canvas password.

How did people survive without a thesaurus?

Or an online dictionary, spell check, grammar check and so on. Grammar errors should really be a thing of the past, but somehow the odd one always sneaks through.

How to fit many books in your bag

Essays skills aren’t all academic, some are physical. At least you’ll get a hench back and shoulders.


You can multitask

You are having a YouTube stint, Spotify is banging, you are Snapchatting, sending emails and writing your essay all at the same time. Bravo, bravo.

You need to learn more connectives 

This is because you need to show a range of vocabulary, and you can make more points than one, thus, extending your essay. Furthermore, you feel like a Linguist professor, moreover you will gain confidence, and finally, you are acing the connective game.

Writing a list of things to do for your essay is wishful thinking

  • Get Paragraph One done
  • Finish the Bibliography
  • Start the Second Essay
  • Email Tutor

(This piece of paper will probably end up in the bottom of your bag, until graduation day).

Are you really a member of the sesh or not?

Lets face it – you probably are, because who doesn’t deserve at least one pint after writing 100 words?