Buying new clothes is more important than a food shop

When applying to university, you basically accept the fact that you will be living in relative poverty for the duration of your degree. With the price of rent, the cost of living and the insatiable desire to buy new stuff, it is time to face up to the facts. New clothes are more important than buying food. There, I said it.

Trying to avoid being an outfit repeater may sound superficial, but there are a number of logical reasons to prioritise clothes over food. For starters (pardon the pun), you can’t wear a packet of Uncle Ben’s Special Fried Rice to your 9am lecture. Nothing maintains the image of a well-rounded student who definitely has their life together better than a 10/10 outfit. What says ‘I’m on top of all of my work and loving life’ like a new sports bra (forgetting the fact you’ve only been to the gym once this term because you couldn’t afford the membership)?

No one likes an outfit repeater

It’s also important to bear in mind that your parents will 100% give you money if you call them and tearfully admit that you can’t afford to buy food. Nothing pleases a mother more than knowing that their child needs them. Having to buy said child (because let’s face it, none of us are really adults yet) a food shop because they’ve blown their student loan is a necessary evil of being a parent. Beg your elders for a new pair of jeans, however, and they might not be so charitable. Besides, even if they refuse because they want you to ‘stand on your own two feet’ or some nonsense, you know that you could definitely live off beans on toast for the week if you absolutely had to – at least you’ll look bloody fabulous.

This is not a viable outfit choice

It is also a well known fact that treating yourself to new clothes is the best feeling in the world. Nothing beats the euphoria of slamming down your wallet onto that contactless card machine and watching your money vanish whilst knowing that you will be the freshest looking kid on campus the next day. There is no satisfaction greater than knowing the whiteness of your brand new trainers will likely blind your fellow students. Buying food, however, is a stupid boring meaningless adult task that simply makes you depressed because food is so expensive and you’ll probably just burn it and ruin it anyway. Or serve it on toast.

Better than a pot noodle any day

What’s more, no one is going to compliment you on your choice of groceries. Eating organic vegetables on a uni budget doesn’t make you cool, it makes you a prick. Buy a Tesco meal deal for dinner like the rest of us, sit down and shut up, because no one besides your mum is going to care that you had Thai green chicken curry for tea last night. However, people will look enviously at your new, totally-essential winter jumper that you bought in the middle of spring just because it was on sale. And that’s all that matters, right?