Aitken Wing is by far the most underrated halls at uni

Yes, we do exist


Us Aitken residents are known as the myths of the Vale, the ones merely existing in the shadow of Chamberlain, the outcasts to university life. Few people know we are here, let alone give us the time of day. With there being no signposts to where we actually are, the Vale itself seems to be joining in the “Aitken, what Aitken?? banter. In reality though, we are the best halls at uni and it is about time people accepted us.

Everyone knows everyone

There’s less than 150 of us and every person you see, you recognise- whether it’s the guy who didn’t manage to make it out on the first night of freshers, or the girl who always chunders at Fab, everyone is a familiar face.  Pre-drinks are therefore great, as we all share the same sorrowing feelings of neglect put upon us by all other halls.

We have the best views over the Vale

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We might bear in insignificance with the Cham-bellends towering over us, but we actually have a pretty good overview of the lake. We are even higher up than Mason so, technically, we are the ones looking down on them.

We have two car parks all to ourselves

And because nobody knows we exist, people can leave their cars here all year round without anybody noticing. I don’t even think maintenance and site managers know we exist. To be honest, the car park is more often used for pre-drinks than it is for its primary purpose.

Our flats are the bomb

Everyone loves Aitken

Everyone loves Aitken

We live in cute little tree houses. The flats have 2 bathrooms and 2 floors and considering we are on meal plan, we have a much bigger kitchen than the self-catered flats in Maple. More importantly,we can actually pass each other with plenty of room to spare, something TC and Maple can never experience. We might not have soft carpet or a luxury en-suite, but let’s be honest, Mason, nobody likes a wet-room, so stop pretending that you’re proud of it. Still, just about everything in the Aitken flats is broken. Sinks fall off walls,  celings literally collapse, ladybirds infest B block  and the whole place reeks. It’s a combination of the smell of rust, mould and the tears of previous AItken residents, crying because nobody every acknowledged them. It’s an Aitken kind of smell, and you learn to love it.

We have the best pre-drinks and nights out

The mighty Eagle Army

The mighty Eagle Army

You’ll find us in VIP at snobs on Thursdays, Fab every Saturday and of course Stuesdays always happens. Nothing can defeat the Aitken comradery on a night out. We have our own mascot, have the best chants on the vale and even the megaphone is whipped out on special occasions. Our Aitken Army at Colourclash will be out in force. Still we have to be reminded of our mythical existence when the Uber driver is waiting at the Chamberlain carpark instead of at Aitken.

You can see and hear everything

Still, we might have the smallest showers on campus, but they're cute enough

Still, we might have the smallest showers on campus, but they’re cute enough

Our outside staircases allow us to look in on everything. Everyone has popped their head round the staircase corner and seen two young Aitken residents passionately in love. And if you can’t see them, you certainly can here them. Even if they are two flats and 2 floors away from you, the withered and fragile walls can’t hide the sound of anything. Uni would be nowhere near as much fun if you couldn’t hear two of your residents engaging in coitus every so often.

So, this is to that girl who literally laughed in my face when I told her I lived in Aitken. It’s actually miles better than any other hall. Just because most of us didn’t want to be here in the first place, doesn’t mean we are the rejects of the vale. We love it here and  it’s about time Aitken gets put on the map. When it does, come and see us on a Tuesday night, and we’ll show you the best pre-drinks the Vale has to offer.