Broken bones, tattoos and virgins: The Tab meets the UoB Cricket Team

They’re loose

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As we leave the doom and gloom of January behind, many of us have begun to look forward to the glittery summer nights where dissertations and deadlines are but a forgotten memory. For one such group of individuals at UoB, those long summer days will be spent endlessly fiddling with balls, catching balls, even chasing after balls – all in the name of cricket.

Having enjoyed a rather spectacular night with the team earlier on in the academic year, I was eager to catch up with them all to see how their preparations for the new season ahead had begun.

The Tab took the opportunity to join the lads at their weekly training session in the nets at Edgbaston. With First Team Captain and all round nice guy Cameron Spence in attendance, we asked him the questions that matter.

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The lads were kind enough to let me have a swing with their raquet

Best trainer

I would have to go with Jamie Tapper. He probably takes it a little bit too far, and then tries to ruin the fun that everyone else is having at the same time.

Worst trainer

Without doubt has to go to Andrew Bell. It’s taken us actually eight weeks to get him down here and for those twenty minutes he’s been training we’ve had to pretty much coddle him to make sure he enjoys the game again.

Can he recapture his love of the game in time for the season?

Can he recapture his love of the game in time for the season?

Worst banter

That would have to be Alex Gill, our social sec. More attained the role through wanting it rather than deserving it. He talks the biggest game in the club, yet has nothing to back it up with. He also has #Viva tattooed on his arse from a lad’s holiday in Thailand.

Most vain

Andrew Bell, again! To give him credit, he probably does have the best lid the university has ever seen.

Worst lid

Olly Higgs. He’s gone for the “stack of hay” look. It’s quite the 1980s groundsman look. Always sporting a tan, he will look 60 by the time he’s 40.

Top shagger

There’s not a lot to choose from… We pride ourselves on being a group of 70 virgins. If it had to be someone, it must be Dirty Doyle (some of you may know him as Cam). The only bloke to have both his nose and ear pierced.

Biggest virgin

Actually not a difficult one this one, we all pride ourselves on being virgins but there is one that takes the mantle. That would have to be Jimmy Halton Harrop. He still hasn’t quite grown out of the Bieber haircut. (At this point in the interview, Jimmy could be seen staring blankly at the astroturf).

Most like to be stuck with on a desert island

I’d go with Greg King. Most intelligent man at the club, so you’d know the conversation would keep you more than entertained, rather than the shit banter you get with Alex Gill.

This shot was fortunately stopped by the net, who knows where it may have landed

This shot was fortunately stopped by the net, who knows where it may have landed

Least like to be stuck with on a desert island

Anthony Dibble*. I like to describe him as “all teeth and no gum”, just because he’s the craziest bloke I’ve ever met. Probably the weirdest bloke the uni has ever seen, and I don’t even think we can take credit for it. I think he was that weird before he started playing for UBCC.

(*at the time of writing, Anthony Dibble is still serving a ban from all events at the Guild for allegations of public exposure).

Most likely to disgrace themselves on a night out

Joe Regan I’d say for that. One sports night last year, he got out of the taxi and got run over by an ambulance. His phone had died, he’d spent all night in hospital so his girlfriend thought he’d gone back to a girl’s. It wasn’t until the next morning on the way to her 9am that she bumped into him walking back from hospital with both arms in casts!

Most likely to succeed in life

Considering I’ve already gone for Greg King, I’ll say Alex Gill. He’s actually a very clever boy, never misses a 9am even after a sports night. His Dad is the team doctor for Manchester United as well so he has some good connections.

Least likely to succeed in life

I’d have to say myself, with a potential 2:2 in Philosophy I may be struggling to find a job after uni. These are well and truly the glory days, my maintenance grant is the most income I’ll ever have!

Finally…the worst bloke in the club

Jack Dymoke, without a shadow of a doubt.

The personalised number plate and Union Jack top sealed the position of "Worst Bloke" for Mr. Dymoke

The personalised number plate and Union Jack top sealed the position of ‘Worst Bloke’ for Mr. Dymoke