I washed my hair with beer for a week
It didn’t go well
One too many attempts at dying my hair peroxide blonde in Year 11 left my hair unhealthy and tragically dry.
I’ve tried so many miracle-claiming conditioners to restore my barnet over the past few years, but these attempts have all failed. So when I heard about the latest celebrity craze about washing your hair with beer, I thought “why not?” and bought a crate. If Catherine Zeta-Jones has been doing it for years, it must be worth a shot. My journey started at Campus Wines with a pack of Fosters and went like this.
After following instructions from questionable sources on the Internet, I let the beer stand in a mug for 45 minutes before jumping in the shower. Apparently the whole thing only works if the beer is flat. I then used shampoo as normal and unwillingly reached for my mug full of Fosters. I’m onto the second wash and upon pouring a load of chilled Fosters over my head, two thoughts came to mind: 1) this is the worst thing I have ever done 2) why did I do this before a dissertation meeting?
It’s freezing cold outside and I literally smell like I’ve spent the whole day in the middle of a sweaty Reading Festival crowd. I felt like I was simultaneously reliving the days of ice bucket challenges and neck nominations all in one. It wasn’t much fun and hadn’t noticed any difference in my hair. I was also pretty sure my tutor was going to think I was an alcoholic.
WHY I am still doing this? In the shower with beer sitting in my stinky hair for five minutes. My hair pretty much feels exactly the same – surely this is all complete bullshit?
This was the day I had been waiting for, the full-on transformation… and it was pretty disappointing. After making myself smell like an arm-pit I was expecting at least some kind of change. But my hair felt and looked exactly the same. I definitely did not have “shinier”, “healthier” or “thicker” hair like Catherine promised. If anything, it actually felt a bit drier. The only pleasant surprise was that I probably didn’t smell strongly enough to warrant a breathalyser test if pulled over by the police.
After nearly a week of this routine, my bathroom now smells like a brewery and my hair is exactly the same. I really could just go to Stupid Tuesdays or Fab and get beer (and probably a few VKS too) poured in my hair for free. If I had my time again I’d save the Foster’s for pre’s and ignore Catherine Zeta-Jones. But if you just love the smell of beer and like putting your hair through celebrity fads, by all means, try it out. This could be the hair-beverage treatment you’ve been crying out for.